Keeping The Faith
by Lizzie9
Summary: They'd always told Derek that he was one doctor, he couldn't save the world. And he'd almost believed them, until his world became Meredith, and he knew he had to save her. A MerDer drama.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Home

Author: Sara and Lizzie

Rating: T for language, and sex

Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all.

Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back.

Author's Note: We're starting this almost at the end, and then flashing back. We're slaves to your opinions, and we need reviews. Ok. It's been a while. But we started college, but we promise we'll be updating this, "A Little Something Called Forever", "Sound and Fury" and "The Best Laid Plans". At least as much as possible. Anyway, REVIEW or we'll kill ourselves.

Derek looked over at Meredith and twisted her fingers into his. They smiled at each other, and Meredith rested her head on his shoulder, looking down at the ferryboats.

The last few months had been beyond crazy, and it was nice to know that for now, all she needed was this. Derek leaned down and kissed her.

She pulled away and smile at him, content. His expression changed.

"I have to tell you something." He said suddenly. She made a quizzical face at him, urging him to continue. "I love you." He said. "I've never been more sure of anything."

"I love you too." She whispered.

Before she knew what was happening, there was a box sparkling in her face. "Marry me." He said.

"What?" she breathed.

He smiled at her. "Marry me." He said, more confident this time. "I love you, and I want to love you forever. So marry me."

She blinked at him, bit her lip, and thought about everything they'd gone through in the past few months…..

Now- we'll flash back.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Keeping The Faith

Author: Sara and Lizzie

Rating: T for language, and sex

Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all.

Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back.

Author's Note: We're starting this almost at the end, and then flashing back. We're slaves to your opinions, and we need reviews. Ok. It's been a while. But we started college, but we promise we'll be updating this, "Sound and Fury" and "The Best Laid Plans". At least as much as possible. Anyway, REVIEW or we'll kill ourselves. Title changed. Since it's set after Losing My Religon, Keeping the Faith seemed appropriate.

Author's Note Pt. 2- This is the beginning. How we got to the first chapter. Enjoy.

Meredith burst outside the doors of the hospital, still in her prom gown. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. She couldn't erase the feel of Derek's skin all over hers. She didn't want to be anywhere near here anymore. She wanted to crawl out of her own skin.

Se felt a hand on her shoulder. "Jesus, Derek." She said turning around. An unfamiliar face was staring back at her.

"Meredith Grey?" the man asked.

"That's me." She said. "Unfortunately. "

"Ah, it's quite fortunate for me." He said.

She rolled her eyes. "If you're going to make a pass at me, get in line. McDreamy and McVet are already in hot pursuit." She muttered, more to herself than this guy. Whoever he was.

"McDreamy. That'd be Derek Shepherd?"

Her eyes narrowed. "How'd you know that?" She shook her head. "Who are you?"

He smiled at her. "You're going to find out Meredith. You're going to find out everything."

His hand clamped on her wrist. "Let go of me." She said. He pulled her into the parking lot. "Let me go!" she shouted. She twisted and struggled and tried to run, but luckily for him, the lost was deserted. Before she knew what was happening, he had shoved her into the backseat of his black Ford Explorer.

"That was easy." He said to himself as he navigated out of the lot. No one had even seen him.

* * *

Callie was running. In her heels, in her prom dress. Sprinting actually. In the hallway, she ran until she practically smacked into both Shepherds, Meredith's vet, and Dr. Bailey.

"Dr. Torres, what in the name is the matter?" Bailey asked, in a very Bailey-ish manner.

"Meredith." She said.

Bailey rolled her eyes. "Good Lord, what has she done now?"

Derek paled visibly, sure that Callie was about to say exactly what Meredith- and he- had done right here, in front of Finn. And Addison.

"She was outside, and someone forced her into a car. A Black explorer."

"What the hell do you mean, forced her?" Finn asked.

"Like grabbed her and pulled her into the car." Callie said. "And then drove away."

Bailey locked eyes with Derek, and he knew then that she knew. She gave him a slight nod, and said, "Chief. Now."

He went off running.

Addison looked at her. "Miranda…"

"Dr. Shepherd, trust me, I needed to give him something to do before he started screaming and throwing things. Grey's gone missing? Trust me, objects would have flown."

Addison blinked at her, taken aback. Then shook her head, and sank down onto the nearest chair. Bailey directed her attention to Callie.

"Torres, go find the rest of my interns. Tell Karev to take Stevens home and stay with her. Get Yang and O' Malley here. Now."

Callie nodded and headed off in the same direction Derek had gone. Bailey started over towards Addison but Finn cleared his throat.

"Um, what can I do? I'm her boyfriend."

She made a face and looked him up and down. "McVet, I don't have any jurisdiction over you. You don't work here. You do whatever will make this easier for you. And if you want to keep those cheek bones in tact, I'd stay out of Shepherd's way."

Finn looked at her incredulously. "McVet?" he whispered to himself.

Bailey didn't bother to see what Finn decided to do with himself. Instead she headed right to Addison and in a very un-Bailey like gesture; she placed a comforting hand on Addison's shoulder.

"You know, you're not making this an easier, Miranda." Addison said in reference to her comments about Derek.

"I'm sorry, Addison." Bailey said. "But there are certain realties I have to face."

"You know I'm going to like the biggest bitch here, Miranda? Worried about the meaning of all my husband's reactions, when their best friend is yet another life threatening situation? No wonder they hate me." She pointed toward Cristina and George who were flying down the hall.

Cristina practically smacked into Bailey before she could start to respond to Addison. "Dr. Bailey! Callie said that Meredith…." Cristina waited for George to catch up.

"What the hell is going on?" she demanded.

Bailey didn't have a chance to answer this question either, because Derek came striding back down the hall. "Richard's on his way. He's on the phone with the police right now."

"Umm…" George said, raising his hand.

Derek looked at the strange scene. Addison sitting in a chair, slumped over with her head in one of her hands, Bailey hovering over her, looking torn. And two very confused interns.

"Where's Callie?" he asked.

"She drove Alex and Izzie home." Cristina said. "Dr. Shepherd?"

"Where's Finn?"

"I advised him to relocate." Bailey said. Addison gave a short and bitter laugh.

"Is something funny to you, Addie?" Derek asked, looking for a fight to give him somewhere to channel his anger and fear.

"Funny is not the word I would use Derek."

"Okay, this is not a counseling session," Bailey said. "Let's all stay calm."

No sooner had the words left her mouth than Cristina spoke. "Jesus Christ!" she yelled. "Will someone please tell us what the hell is going on?"

"Police are on their way." Dr. Webber said, striding in much like Derek had. "They'll be here any minute."

Derek opened his mouth, but George cut him off. "What happened?" he asked, his voice commanding an answer.

Bailey sighed. "Callie saw someone force Meredith into a car. They drove away and that's all we know."

"Did someone try calling her?" Richard asked.

George and Cristina both scrambled for their phones, but Derek was quicker. He pushed down on the one button and turned on the speaker.

"You have her on speed dial?" Addison asked, before she could stop herself. "Speed dial one? What am I?"

"Four."

"Four? I'm your wife, and I'm four?"

* * *

In the SUV, Meredith's phone rang. "Who is it?" the driver demanded.

She picked it out of her black clutch and looked at the screen. "It's Derek." She said, in a voice that sounded odd to her own ears.

He smiled. "Tempting, but too soon. Don't answer it. You'll get in touch with Derek. On my terms."


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Keeping The Faith

Author: Sara and Lizzie

Rating: T for language, and sex

Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all.

Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back.

Author's Note: We're starting this almost at the end, and then flashing back. We're slaves to your opinions, and we need reviews. Ok. It's been a while. But we started college, but we promise we'll be updating this, "Sound and Fury" and "The Best Laid Plans". At least as much as possible. Anyway, REVIEW or we'll kill ourselves. P.S.- It's possible that we may occasionally poke fun at our own penchant for Derek/Meredith suspense and drama.

Derek paced. They were all just sitting there, at the top of the staircase. Except for Derek who was pacing back and forth in his tux.

Addison couldn't take it anymore. "Derek, would you just sit down?" She asked.

He looked at her like she'd just asked him to have a lobotomy. "No." he said. "No I will not just sit down." He threw his hands in the air. "God, I could throw something."

Addison rolled her eyes as Bailey shot her look that clearly said I told you so. Cristina picked up on the gesture. "Are you bored or something, Dr. Shepherd?"

"Excuse me?" Addison asked.

Cristina smiled tightly. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, or whatever, but my friend's been abducted and you're rolling your eyes like this is all a big waste of your time."

"Enough, Dr. Yang." Chief Webber muttered. Cristina raised her eyebrows at Addison, but she did shut her mouth. Now, lashing of anger at Addison out of the question, she had nothing to do but worry.

"What the hell is taking so long?" Derek muttered. "They're cops, we're doctors. Shouldn't there be some sort of camaraderie?"

George and Cristina looked at Addison, expecting her to have something to say, but she remained silent.

"Richard Webber?" asked a man, flashing a badge and trailing behind Adele, who had presumably showed them where to go.

"That's me." He said, shaking the hands of each officer.

"I'm Detective Norris, and this is my partner Detective Harrison."

"Detectives, I'm Richard Webber, Chief of surgery. These are Doctors Shepherd, Shepherd, Bailey, Yang and O'Malley."

"And Torres." Callie added, slipping into the group besides George.

The officers nodded their greetings. "Relations to Meredith Grey?" Harrison asked.

"We're her friends." Cristina said, indicating herself, George and Callie, without hesitation. Callie would have smiled from feeling so included, had the circumstances been different.

"I'm her surgical resident." Bailey said.

"I'm her…. Friend." Derek said.

Addison sighed loudly. Detective Harrison looked at her. "And you, Dr. Shepherd?"

"I'm his wife." She said, indicating Derek.

"Also a friend?"

"Close as can be." She said dryly.

"Addison!" Derek snapped.

The detectives smirked at each other. "Did she have a boyfriend?"

"McVet." Cristina and George muttered. Detective Norris looked at them strangely. "Uhh, Finn Dandridge." Cristina clarified. "But he was here the whole time."

"Dr. Torres, you're the witness? You'll need to come with us for a few minutes." Callie nodded and followed. Derek and Addison glared at each other. Bailey exchanged pointed looks with her remaining interns.

Addison stood up. "I can't sit here. I'm sorry, I really am. I'm worried about Meredith, and I hope to God she's okay, but I just can't sit here." With that she took off down the hallway. Adele shook her head at Derek and went after her.

* * *

Meredith sat in the back seat of the explorer and crossed her arms over her chest. This felt surreal. Almost like she was on her couch with George and Izzie watching this happen on a Law And Order rerun.

The man driving the car looked at her in the rear view mirror. "Scared yet?" he asked her in a tone that was calm, and slightly mocking.

"Let's see." Meredith said. "You pulled me into your car and drove away, and all you can talk about is my ex-boyfriend. I'd say I'm slightly concerned."

"Ex boyfriend that you slept with?" he asked her.

Her jaw dropped. "How did you…"

He smiled. "I've been watching you all very, very carefully."

"Us all?"

"You, Derek, Addison, Preston, Cristina, George. The hot blonde. All of you. I know you all now. I know what tempts you, what you give into."

"Why?"

"Why, Meredith? Why? Because Derek and Addison Shepherd killed my daughter. That's why."

Meredith closed her eyes.

* * *

The police reappeared with Callie. "It does sound like an abduction." Detective Norris said. "But, Meredith Grey is an adult. She has certain rights. She can move freely. And from our interview with Dr. Torres, it seems that she may have had a few things to run away from. If we could just speak to her boyfriend…"

"That's me." Finn said, coming up the stairs. "Finn Dandridge."

"Where were you when this happened?"

Finn smiled tightly. "The top of these stairs."

"Can anyone verify that?"

"Dr. Shepherd can."

"He was." Derek said, his tone frigid. He turned to the detectives. "It seems like she had things to run away from, and maybe she did, but if she didn't…." He stopped. "Just do everything you can, please."

The police nodded and walked off with Dr. Webber.

"Shepherd?" Finn asked. "What the hell is this?"

Derek looked down. Finn laughed humorlessly. "You what, slept with her?"

Derek closed his eyes.

Finn threw his hands in the air. "Well that's great."

* * *

Adele Webber found Addison Shepherd leaning against an empty exam chair, biting her nails.

"Oh, Addison." She said.

"He loves her, Adele. I know he does. I don't know if he's been sleeping with her, but odds are he's going to. He's insisting he's trying, but.." Addison pressed her lips together, fighting tears. "He loves her, Adele. And he always has."

Adele put a hand on Addison's shoulder, seeing herself, not matter how many years ago it may have been. "Oh, Addie." She murmured. "Listen to me. I know how these things go. I know the Grey women. They're complicated, erratic and mysterious, and that's attractive. But it won't last. At the end of the day, you're his wife."

Addison looked at the older woman. "What are you saying, Adele?"

"Fight for him, baby. Fight hard."

* * *

"So your plan is to what, kill me too? An eye for an eye?"

"It's a little more complicated than that. See, Shepherd and his wife? They told me and my wife they could save her. She was premature. Very premature. There was a problem with her brain, further complicated by Addison Shepherd's botched removal."

Meredith bit her lip, knowing where this was going. "So her husband, her knight in shining armor, he tried to fix it, but my daughter died."

He laughed bitterly. "And I came here with a mind to taking Addison. But he's not in love with Addison. This way, I can kill the women Derek's in love with. I won't be able to kill his wife, but finding out he's in love with you, and the death of her husband should be enough."

"You'll never get away with this." Meredith said shakily.

He smiled at her again. "We'll see Dr. Grey."


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Keeping The Faith

Author: Sara and Lizzie

Rating: T for language, and sex

Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all.

Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back.

Author's Note: We're starting this almost at the end, and then flashing back. We're slaves to your opinions, and we need reviews. Ok. It's been a while. But we started college, but we promise we'll be updating this, "Sound and Fury" and "The Best Laid Plans". At least as much as possible. Anyway, REVIEW or we'll kill ourselves. P.S.- It's possible that we may occasionally poke fun at our own penchant for Derek/Meredith suspense and drama.

Seattle Grace Hospital  
12:53 AM

Derek couldn't reasonably pace any longer, so he sat. He tapped his foot and stared at the ground aimlessly. Bailey tapped him on the shoulder. "You should go home, Derek." She said. He blinked at her. She never called him Derek. "Sleep. There's nothing you can do for her now."

Derek considered this. Maybe she was right. Maybe there wasn't anything…. He stood up, and walked away from her without saying anything.

He made his way to his office and sat down at his desk, turning on his computer. Research. Similar cases. Kidnappings, abductions. He wanted to know anything that might help him understand why Meredith had disappeared.

There was a knock on the door. George and Cristina poked their heads inside. "Come in." he told them.

They came in and stood awkwardly in front of his desk. "Thank you." Cristina said. "For um, caring. And for not, you know, pretending you didn't because of um, Addison."

Derek nodded. "I care." He whispered.

George nodded. "We know. Dr. Shepherd do you need anything?"

Derek motioned for them to come behind the screen. They did and looked at the site he was on; an article from a Harvard criminal psychologist. "This was risky." He said. "And not random. No one saw her outside the heavily guarded, well lit hospital and just decided to take her."

They looked at him and at each other, scared. Derek sighed. "Dr. O'Malley, I could use a coffee. And I'd very much like to speak to one of those detectives."

George nodded and scampered off, glad to have a chore. Cristina pulled a chair up next to Derek's computer. "You should get some rest, Dr. Yang."

"So should you." She said. "But we both know that lying there with nothing to think about but where she is can't be an option. As long as I have something to do, I might not be so scared." She smiled, looking almost vulnerable for a moment, and then it vanished.

"What have you found out so far, Dr. Shepherd?"

* * *

Seattle Grace Hospital  
3:45 AM

Addison woke up in the on-call room with a start, trying to remember why she was wearing this dress and why she felt like this. Then it came back. Prom. Meredith. Abduction. Derek. Meredith. Love. She felt sick.

It's not that she wasn't worried about Meredith. She was, she swore she was. It was just that her marriage, for all of her trying, was falling apart at the seams. She sighed and got up off of the bed.

She found Derek in his office with Cristina and George, alternately looking at something on the Internet and filling out patient charts that should have been completed yesterday. She stood in the doorway until Cristina noticed her.

"George, we should go check on Izzie."

George looked up and saw Addison standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame. "Yeah." He agreed. "We should." They muttered their goodbyes to Derek and quickly left the room.

"You should try to sleep." Addison said.

Derek shrugged. "I've still got four or five more nights to be awake before the hallucinations start."

"Very funny."

"Wasn't a joke."

"I'm worried about her, Derek. I really am. Because we're friends. And friends worry. But I need to know if there is anything going on between you and Meredith." She said, swallowing hard. "And if there is, Derek, this would be a really good time to tell me."

Derek nodded. This would be a really good time to tell her. It would. But somehow he just couldn't get the words out. So he shook his head. "I'm just worried about her, Addison." He smiled at his wife and squeezed her shoulder. "I'll just sleep in the on-call room." He said. "I'm on call at five anyway."

Addison nodded, not looking reassured. "I don't have surgery until eleven. I'm going to go home and try to sleep. Call me if there's news okay?" she asked, kissing him lightly on the lips. He nodded.

Addison left feeling dejected. She tried so hard to get through to him, but it was obvious he never heard what she was saying.

* * *

Seattle Harbor  
7:30 AM

Meredith was terrified. Not so much for herself, at this point, but for Derek. If this guy taunted him, or taunted her, he would come here, and Meredith really didn't want crazy guy with the dead daughter to kill Derek. She really didn't want that.

"So this is your plan?" she asked the guy who was handcuffing her to a chair. "You're going to keep me on your boat in the harbor?"

He smiled. "That's the plan."

"It's probably not going to be hard to find me here."

"That's the point Meredith. I want Derek to find you here."

"Who are you?

"Steve Taylor. Nice to meet you Dr. Grey." He said extended his hand. She looked at him disgustedly.

"Seriously?" she asked. "You're seriously expecting me to shake your hand after you handcuffed me to a chair in the cabin of you boat?"

"We can be friends, Meredith."

Her eyes narrowed. "You're sick, you know." Meredith said. "Derek is a good surgeon. He's brilliant, actually. And he would never do something to hurt anyone on purpose. You can't do this to him because of a mistake."

"A mistake to him. My life. My wife killed herself after we lost the baby. Shepherd took my life."

"Dr. Shepherd." Meredith snapped. "What happened to you was not his fault. He did his best."

Steve smiled. "Oh, you love him too." He said, delightedly. "Well this is just too sweet."

Meredith's eyes narrowed. "You're jealous. You're jealous because Derek is braver and stronger and more of a man than you'll ever be, because he would never do something like-"

She was cut off by a blow to the head. Her head slumped onto her right shoulder and Steve smiled. "Don't defend him, Meredith." He said to her unconscious form. "Don't defend him."

* * *

Seattle Grace Hospital  
9:50 AM

Burke walked up to Derek who was staring at the board, but not really looking at it. He clapped him on the shoulder. "How are you holding up?"

Derek looked at him. "You should be in bed Preston."

"Derek." Burke said. "How are you?"

Derek sighed. "I don't know. I can't stop moving. I need a surgery. I need something to do. I need something to keep me from thinking about what she's going through. If she's alive."

Burke looked Derek in the eye. "She's alive Derek. And the police are going to make sure that they get her back here safely."

Derek nodded, touched by Burke's concern. "Thank you." He said softly. Burke nodded and slowly began making his way back to his room.

He turned around. "And Derek?" he called. "Don't do anything stupid."

* * *

Seattle Police Station  
3:59 PM

Detective Harrison sighed as a beat cop handed him the tapes from the hospital security camera. "Took long enough." He muttered. The young cop blushed and stammered an apology.

"Norris." He called. "Tapes on the Grey abduction." Detective Mike Norris nodded and headed right over. He felt this case personally. He had taken a bullet to the chest on the job last year, and he was alive because of the staff at Seattle Grace. He owed them a lot, and he wanted to close this case fast.

Harrison popped the tape into a VCR and they watched as a pretty young woman got pulled into an Explorer. Norris felt a sense of triumph when they paused the tape and wrote down the license plate number.

* * *

Seattle Grace Hospital  
6:20 PM

The detectives gathered the Shepherds, the interns, Bailey and the chief into Richard's office. "We were able to pull the Explorer's plate number from the security tapes." Norris said. "We went to the DMV and fortunately, they came up with a name."

He looked at the group. "Does the name Steve Taylor mean anything to any of you?"

The four interns' faces remained blank. Bailey looked at the chief and shrugged. Derek sighed in frustration at this name that meant nothing to him.

Addison gasped, her eyes wide and her face pale. "Oh my God." She said.

"Dr. Montgomery Shepherd?" Harrison prompted.

"Steve and Rebecca Taylor." She said looking at Derek. "Their baby girl. I botched the C-section, and she died in your OR."

Derek looked at her quizzically. "You don't remember?" Addison asked. "It was the first surgery we ever did together."

"New York." Derek said. "I remember vaguely, I think. And this is the guy that took Meredith?"

"The car is registered in his name." Norris confirmed.

"And the only connection is us? Is me?" Derek asked, looking sick.

Detective Norris nodded hesitantly. "It looks that way, Dr. Shepherd." He paused. "What exactly was, or is, your relationship with Dr. Grey? Because, that could be the reason.." he trailed off as Derek bolted from the office.

When Detective Norris and Addison left the office they found him a few feet away in the hallway, vomiting into a trash can.

He straightened up and wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his lab coat. "I'll tell you anything you need to know." He said to Norris. "Just, please," his voice broke a little. "Please, just find her."


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: Keeping The Faith**

**Author: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, and sex**

**Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all. **

**Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back. **

**Ok, so we suck at updating. True. But we do actually have to try to succeed at college, or we'll end living on the street like bohemians. Or in a loft with no ceiling in Alphabet city, more like bohemians. **

**Okay, Rent induced notions of living below the poverty line and dancing at the Catscratch club over. It's possible going to college in Philly has made us miss our native NYC. **

**But Grey's makes us want to go to Seattle. Here's your chapter… REVIEW, please?**

Seattle  
12:04 AM

It had been two days. Forty eight long, worry filled hours. Derek was throwing himself into surgery after surgery, and never sleeping for more than five hours at a time. The ruthless schedule was worth it. It kept him going and kept him from sitting around and picturing Meredith's maimed body floating in the harbor.

Jesus, maybe he really was going crazy. Or at least getting extremely twisted. He put his money on going crazy and lowered himself into his car. The chief ordered him to go home. Derek caught his own reflection in the rear view mirror. He looked like shit.

He was going home for six hours, and then coming back, because, mercifully, he had an early surgery scheduled at six. He was getting angry now. Angry at the police, at the hospital, at Addison, at Finn, at the interns, at himself. Especially at himself. He started his car and tore out of the parking lot.

He was the only connection between Meredith and Taylor. It had to be because of him. If something happened to her because this man's daughter died on his operating table, he would never forgive himself. Practically sick with worry, and enraged with anger, he wished fervently that he had never met Addison so they never would have performed that surgery.

All Addison could think about was Derek's reaction to the news. It was them. They were the connection. He was the connection. Of course she got etched out of the picture. She closed her eyes; and saw her husband throwing up in a trash can.

Adele's words echoed in her mind. She loved Derek. She had to fight for him. She had to. She sucked in a breath, and took off her clothes. She put on the lacy black and silver 'get lucky' lingerie ensemble she had bought at Barney's right before she left New York.

She stood in front of the mirror like that, staring at herself. He would want her like this. He'd have to. He always had before that. She twisted her hands and ran them through her hair, teasing it at the top. When she was finished, she applied a coat of lip gloss, stepped back from the mirror and admired her own handiwork.

She was Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd. He was Derek Shepherd. Derek and Addison. He was not cheating on her, he was just worried. He was going to respond to her. He had to.

She heard his car pull up, so she sucked in a breath.

* * *

Derek opened the door to see Addison standing in the doorway of his trailer, the light behind her creating a dramatic silhouette. One hand was on her stuck out hip. Derek walked in the door, and she accosted him.

She grabbed his briefcase and practically threw it on the ground, and crushed her lips against his. He disentangled himself and shook his head. "Addison, I just can't…" She pouted, pushing her lower lip out, and looking up at him through her eyelashes.

Just like Meredith did. He knew this was crazy. Awful. Crazy. But he could see Meredith doing exactly what she was at that moment. And he wanted to feel Meredith under him. To know she was okay. Before he could stop himself, he was kissing Addison into the bedroom.

* * *

Seattle Harbor  
12:29 AM

Meredith was shaking. Practically convulsing, she thought wildly. This was bad. Really bad. She was really cold. And she felt feverish. She was a sick, freezing, soon to be hypothermic hostage.

She saw Taylor's outstretched hand coming toward her. She blinked at twice, trying to determine what was in it. Her cell phone.

"I think it's time that we call Dr. Shepherd." He said mockingly. He opened the phone and handed it to Meredith, and she accepted it with her hand that was not handcuffed to the chair she was sitting on.

"Call Derek. It's time for us to have a little chat."

So, with shaking hands, Meredith dialed the familiar number of Derek's cell phone, willing him to pick up.

Next to the door of Derek's trailer, lay his briefcase that his wife had thrown down. In the bed, were Derek and his wife. Only Addison heard the phone ringing, but having finally gotten her husband to look at her, let alone have sex with her, she chose to ignore it.

In the cold cabin of Steve Taylor's boat, Meredith felt like even Derek had abandoned her.

* * *

1:25 AM

Addison smiled. She was lying in bed, naked, next to her husband. And they had actually had sex. It was a good feeling. Maybe Adele had been right. Maybe a little effort was all it took to save a marriage. Her smiled widened and she rolled over and smiled toward Derek, but he didn't look quite so happy.

He was frowning the Meredith frown. She sighed. Apparently not even looking like perfection in La Perla lingerie was enough to distract him from the lust intern. Addison reminded herself that Meredith was in serious danger, and that now was hardly the time to be a bitch.

She was pretty convinced by Derek's back facing toward her that post coital cuddling was nowhere in her near future, so she got out of the bed and moved toward the shower. "I think I heard your phone ring." She muttered.

Derek got out of bed too, and hastily yanked his clothes back on, feeling disgusted with himself. He walked to the doorway of the trailer and fished his cell phone out from inside his briefcase. He heard Addison turn on the shower, and sensed she wasn't happy, but he just couldn't deal with it now.

He flipped the phone open, expecting to see a call from the chief or a hospital number. Maybe one of the interns, or Preston. When he saw Meredith on his screen, he couldn't breathe. Before he could think, he was flinging open the door of the shower.

"Joining me?" Addison asked.

"When did it ring?" he demanded.

She frowned at the venom in his voice. "Just after we made it to the bedroom, Derek." She said. "Hospital?"

"No, Addison, it was not the fucking hospital!" he shouted. "It was Meredith!" he slammed the shower door closed, and fumed out of the trailer.

* * *

2:14 AM  
Seattle PD

Mike Norris was wide awake. He'd been sleeping peacefully next to his wife, but when his partner called to tell him there was a lead on the Grey case, he was alert. He practically flew into the station.

Harrison had beaten him there, as usual, and was handing him a steaming cup of coffee. "Thanks." He said, accepting it. "What's going on?"

"Derek Shepherd's here." Harrison said. "Said he had a missed call on his cell from Meredith Grey."

Norris nodded. "Take me to him."

Fifteen minutes later, Derek's cell phone number had been routed to a police number, complete with GPS tracking. "We just wait?" Derek asked.

Harrison nodded. "We just wait. If she doesn't call again by morning, we'll reevaluate."

* * *

4:04 AM  
Seattle Harbor

Meredith felt herself being shaken awake. It was the first time she had managed to sleep for more than fifteen or twenty minutes at a time. Taylor was thrusting her cell phone in her face again.

"Get Derek on the phone." He threatened. "Now."

Meredith was too cold and tired to argue, so she simply did what he told her to. She pressed the redial button and waited.

Derek had been nodding off in the police station when the ringing of the phone and the beeping of the device startled him awake. Detective Norris was busy, pressing buttons. Finally, he nodded to Derek. "Pick it up." He encouraged him.

"Hello?"

"Derek." Came a small voice on the other line.

"Meredith." He breathed. "Mer, are you okay?"

"I don't think so." She murmured. "I'm not sure. It's so cold in here. I can't sleep, and I can't eat or drink. I'm spiking a fever." She told him, in a voice that sounded disoriented. "Derek, I'm scared."

"Meredith, I promise, you're going to be fine, okay? I promise."

She didn't say anything, but it sounded like she was crying. "He wants to talk to you." Meredith said finally.

"Put him on the phone." Derek said angrily. "Meredith?" he asked.

"Derek.." she said again, trailing.

"I love you." He said.

"I-" he heard her cut off as she sucked in what sounded like a painful gasp. "Here's Taylor."

"You son of a bitch." Derek growled into the phone.

"Dr. Shepherd." Taylor said. "That's no way to greet an old friend, is it?"

"I'll kill you for dragging her into this." Derek said.

"Don't bother. You can just drag her out of it." Taylor said, smirking. "Meredith tells me you have a special spot. Meet me there. In twenty four hours." He instructed.

"Where we watched the ferry boats." Derek said.

"That's the place, Doc. Twenty four hours. Be there. And Derek? That spot on her neck that you kissed two nights ago? I'll cut her right there if you bring cops."

The line went dead.

Derek's hands were clenched into shaking fists. When he had composed himself, he looked expectantly at the detectives.

"We got him." Harrison said. "He's on a boat in the harbor."

"Are we going to meet him?" Derek asked, knowing that they had both listened in on the call. "Because twenty four hours is a long time, and I'm worried about Meredith's condition. If she's spiking a fever…" he trailed off.

Norris and Harrison exchanged glances. "Dr. Shepherd, we can get to her sooner, but…" it was Norris' turn to leave his sentence unfinished.

"But what?"

"We'd need you to go onto the boat, without us, and hold your position for at least five minutes. It'd be a huge personal risk."

"How soon can we go?"

The detectives exchanged another glance, and both looked back at Derek. "You're sure?"

"How soon?" he repeated.

"We'll aim to have you in the boat's cabin by midnight." Harrison said.

Derek thought about how Meredith sounded, and what she had said. He fought tears and shook his head firmly. "If only it were midnight now." He muttered to himself.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: Keeping The Faith**

**Author: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, and sex**

**Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all. **

**Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back. **

**Ok. We're working on updating everything faster. Thoughts that characters think to themselves, in their heads, are in italics. Addison is not being a Bitch Supreme, she's just scared to lose Derek to Meredith or danger. **

**I think that's all you need to know. Review, bitches. Hey, LaLaLovely? Norris's name is for you. **

"_I would bleed to love her." – Fleetwood Mac_

Seattle Grace  
10:23 AM

Richard Webber stood in front of a crowded board, trying to take his mind off the obvious. One of his interns, an intern who was very near to his heart, had been abducted from his hospital, on his watch. Maybe Adele was right. Maybe he really did need to retire.

He felt a presence to his right, and when he turned, he saw Derek Shepherd, staring blankly at the board. Dr. Webber felt a tug in his chest. It was obvious to everyone that Derek was blaming himself, sick with fear and worry and sinking into a self imposed hell.

Up close, it was even worse. His cheeks were sunken in, his eyes were dull and he looked like walking death.

"Take me off the board." He said.

"What?"

"Meredith called last night. I missed it, so I went to the cops. We waited, and she called back. They traced it to a boat in the harbor. I talked to her."

Shock graced the chief's usually composed face. "And?" he prompted, knowing enough not to ask if she was okay.

"She's alive, at least." Derek said in a strange voice that didn't sound like his. "Sleep deprived, dehydrated and freezing, but alive for now."

"She mention any symptoms?"

"Spiking a fever. Should be getting delusions in a day or so." Derek said. "Now take me off the board."

Webber shook his head. "You can't go after her. It's suicide Derek, you'll both get killed."

He shook his head. "I'm in with the cops. I'm the bait. I get a five minute window for them to surround and secure the boat."

Richard said nothing, but Derek knew what he was thinking. "Richard, I know it's dangerous, but without her…"

Dr. Webber merely nodded and picked up an eraser. "I'll take you off the board."

* * *

Her hair was curlier than usual the last time. Her black dress clung to her, but it was her eyes that were haunting him. The last time he had seen her eyes was right here on these steps. He sat at the top of them, wondering how this had happened.

Heels clicked as they hit the tile floor behind him. Addison sat down next to him, her legs crossed at the ankle. "Derek, I've been looking everywhere for you."

"You know I stood here, and watched her run down the steps and out that door, and I just kept standing here?"

She sighed. "Oh, Derek. What could you have done?"

"I knew something was wrong. I could have followed her, stopped him. Saved her. I could have done something other than stand here blinking like an idiot."

"Derek, why are you telling me this?" She asked. "Because if you're sleeping with her…"

He shook his head. "Addison, we, last night…" he mustered up everything he could to give her what he hoped was a charming smile. He didn't add that he hadn't looked her in the eye, or that he was biting his tongue to keep from whispering Meredith's name in the darkness of their trailer.

She smiled back at him. He hated himself. He wanted to tell her. I love Meredith. But he couldn't. She was his wife. "What happened last night? Where were you?" she asked him, her smile fading.

"I went to the police. She called back."

"Jesus." Addison murmured. "Is she okay?"

"What do you think?" Derek snapped at her. "No Addison, she's not okay. She's not sleeping, eating or drinking. She's freezing, and to top it off, she's spiking a fever."

"Oh."

"How compassionate of you." Derek said harshly, before he could stop himself. "Taylor wants me. So I'm giving him me. The cops asked me to do it."

He stood up, quickly, before she could say anything. She practically leapt to her feet, and stood on the step above him, one hand on her hip, heat radiating from her as she stared daggers at him.

"You're joking."

"I'm doing it."

"You can't. You're not smarter than him, you're not superman. If he wants to kill you he'll find a way to kill you." She stared at him as if he were holding a gun to his temple right there. She looked afraid.

"I can not just leave her there."

"So let the cops do it Derek. This is not your responsibility nor is it your job!"

He shook his head adamantly. "The cops barge in, he'll kill her. On the spot, right there. If you would have heard him…."

"No. Absolutely not. I'm your wife, and I can't let you do this."

He stared at her, and there it was. The pain she was harboring. It was staring back at him in the vacant hole in her blue eyes. And just as quickly as he thought he had seen it, it was gone, and the depths of pain were replaced by the cold, hardness of blue.

"Addison. I'm doing it. Tonight. I have to go to the police station. Get briefed or trained…" He trailed off. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He walked away from her. Addison stood on the step, staring after him, watching him leave. It was like watching a candle burn and burn. After awhile, there's no candle left at all.

* * *

Seattle Police Station  
10:35 PM

"We're leaving Derek." Detective Norris told him. "You're sure you want to do this?"

"I'm sure."

"Vest fits?" He asked, referring to the bulletproof vest that was strapped between Derek's button down shirt and his sweater.

"It fits." They made their way to the unmarked sedan, and Derek slid in the back, with Norris and Harrison in the front.

"Let's go over it one more time." Harrison said. "You're going to go in there, and you're going to bring up the surgery."

"Keep him talking." Derek said.

"Right. Keep him talking as long as you can. We're going to set up a perimeter. We're going to make sure it's secure, and we'll be on the boat. It's safe to assume they'll be in the boat's cabin."

He continued to talk, and Derek continued to force himself to listen until they pulled up to the farthest corner of the parking lot that would lead them to the harbor. Previous police work that day had confirmed the location of the boat.

As more unmarked, discreet looking police cars pulled up, Derek exchanged final words with Norris and Harrison, and moved toward the boat.

* * *

Steve Taylor was pleased with his situation, his cunning mind, his own handiwork. It hadn't even been that hard. He was sure that Shepherd had gone to the police, but he was far too obsessed with the small woman beside him to risk her safety.

He looked down at the doctor handcuffed to the chair. She was probably dying, but Taylor didn't care. She had to die anyway, so it really didn't matter how close she got. He did want her awake and alert for the showdown with Shepherd though.

_Besides her company is exciting. _He gave in to the tempting voice in his head, and shook her roughly. "Dr. Grey. Wake up."

She didn't stir. "Dr. Grey. We have some business to attend to before we go to meet Derek." Nothing. _She likes it rough. _He slapped her. Still nothing. He smacked again.

Before he could try any other methods to rouse her from her sleep, he heard a commotion behind him, and when he whirled around, he was staring at Derek Shepherd. _Bastard couldn't wait. _It was amusing to Taylor, how well these people played into his hand.

He clicked his tongue and grinned. "Derek Shepherd." He said, extending his hand, which the doctor ignored. "I'm sorry it's been so long since our last meeting. How is Addison?"

_Keep him talking, Derek. Keep him talking._ He forced himself not to be preoccupied by Meredith's limp unconscious form handcuffed to the chair behind him.

"She's fine. Sends her regrets about your wife."

"Ahh, wives." Taylor said. "I'll bet yours doesn't know about your trysts with Dr. Grey. You know, Derek, I'm going to have to ask you to excuse us. I was just about to engage in a tryst with Meredith myself. Unless of course, you want to watch."

Two million dollar a year hands collided with a smirking mouth. It didn't hurt this time. "Oh, Derek, that was so uncalled for. I want to be friends."

"Friends? I killed your daughter."

"Yes, yes you did. And they told me you and your _wife_ were the best. Apparently not. No worries though. I'm going to kill the person you love most. Lucky Addison. She gets to live."

Derek's eyes darted from Taylor's face to Meredith's emaciated body. Taylor smiled slowly at him. "I'm going to touch her like you touched her. I'm going to be inside of her like you were. And then, I'm going to kill her, like you did to my daughter. The only difference is, you'll get to watch this."

Derek weighed his options as Taylor pulled key from his pocket and released Meredith's handcuffs. _Where the hell were the cops? _

He yanked her roughly out of the chair, and threw her down on the couch. Her eyelids fluttered as she was slowly roused back to consciousness.

"Mer." Taylor said. "You've been wearing this rag for days." He pushed her dress up toward her stomach.

Something inside Derek snapped. Adrenaline and rage replaced blood and logic. He couldn't remember the last time they'd kissed. Really kissed. Before Addison, before Finn, before the night she'd disappeared because of him. He couldn't remember the last time they'd kissed, and it fueled him.

He grabbed Taylor by the shoulders, yanked him off of Meredith and shoved him into the nearest wall. Derek hit him. And he kept hitting him. The sound of flesh hitting flesh was sickening and intoxicating at the same time.

He pulled Taylor away from the wall. "So help me God, I will kill you." And in that moment, with Meredith, _his_ Meredith lying on that couch, he would have. But instead he slammed him backwards into the wall. His head hit the structure with a sickening thud, and he fell to floor, his eyes rolling back into his head.

* * *

"Are we secure?" Norris hissed into a small walkie talkie.

"Charlie." Harrison said, nudging him. Security no longer mattered. Derek was emerging from the cabin of the boat, carrying a seemingly lifeless form in his arms.

Someone radioed the standby ambulance, and Derek just carried her right over to it as soon as it materialized. He hopped in the back after they put her on the stretcher. Norris jumped in too. Derek looked at him.

"Taylor?" Norris asked.

"Needs an ambulance." Derek said. Norris lifted his radio to his lips and relayed this to his partner. "No rush." Derek said out loud, looking down at Meredith. "I don't care if he dies." He squeezed Meredith's hand, willing her to be okay.

_I love you. _He was sure he did. But saying it to himself, in his head was not going to fix anything.


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: Keeping The Faith**

**Author: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, and sex**

**Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all. **

**Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back. **

**Ok. We're working on updating everything faster. Thoughts that characters think to themselves, in their heads, are in italics. Addison is not being a Bitch Supreme, she's just scared to lose Derek, and she feels like she is. We wanted to delve into some Bang here, because we want to touch on Cristina covering for him later in the story. **

**Coming up: Adele confronts Derek, dirty oncall room sex, he cant leave addison, more dirty sex... and then you'll just have to keep reading. **

**REVIEW! We love you. All. **

"_And then she looked at me to scream, my castles are falling, and I can't look into the street without everything changing." –Something Corporate_

"Yang, there's a stretcher coming in." Bailey said. They walked outside to see Derek Shepherd jumping out of the ambulance.

"Meredith." Cristina said.

Derek came running at them. "Uh, it's not surgical. She's sick. Really sick."

Bailey looked at Cristina. "Uh, symptoms?"

"High fever. Too high. Sweating, confusion. Dehydration, she hasn't eaten since um, prom."

"Physical abuse?" Cristina asked, trying to play doctor, trying to mask her fear.

"Judging from the bruises, I'd say she was knocked unconscious several times."

"What do we do Yang?"

"Clean room. Test for anthrax, anything contagious. Until we know what it is…" she trailed off.

"Good. Go prepare a clean room."

Derek turned on Bailey. "A clean room? Are you out of your mind? She's traumatized, she's terrified and you want to isolate her? No. No. We're not doing it."

"Shepherd, get a hold of yourself. Be a doctor. I don't want to do that to her either, but we don't have a choice." Another ambulance whirled up. Derek knew who was inside of it, and walked away.

* * *

Twenty minutes later he was answering a page. Webber, Addison and Bailey were waiting for him. "How's Meredith?"

"Burke's in the clean room. Checking the heart and lungs."

"What else is it?"

"It's Taylor." Richard said gently. "He needs surgery."

"So get a surgeon."

"Derek, it's neuro." Derek's head shot up and Addison was startled by the anger in his eyes.

"He had her handcuffed to a chair in a freezing room. He touched her. He pulled up her dress and he touched her like…" he caught himself. "I'm not doing it. I don't care if he lives or dies."

"Derek, you took an oath."

"Put me in the OR with him, he dies on the table."

Addison's jaw dropped. "Derek, listen to you!"

"No!" He slammed his fist into his palm. "You didn't see what I saw!" He looked Webber in the eye. "Richard, you can suspend me. You can fire me. I'm not doing the surgery. Get someone else."

He turned and walked away, and watching him leave, Addison felt like she was watching a different person than the one she married.

* * *

Several hours later, Derek stood outside Meredith's clean room with the three remaining interns when the detectives assigned to Meredith's case came up to him.

"Rape kit was negative." Harrison announced, feeling the collective sigh of relief come from the entire group. "Doctor Shepherd, we need to ask you a few more questions." Derek nodded, and with what looked a huge effort, managed to drag his eyes away from Meredith inside the clean room.

He followed the detectives away, leaving everyone else standing there, with nothing to do but stare in the room, and worry.

George cleared his throat. "When are the tests due back?"

Cristina sighed. "A few hours. It's not anthrax though. Or any other infectious, bio terrorist disease. God, she's just sick. I can't believe they're keeping her in there all alone. She's one of us."

George and Alex nodded. Alex coughed nervously. "You really think she's okay?"

"Physically?" Cristina asked. "She'll recover. Otherwise, I'm not so sure. She's Meredith, you know? She takes things hard. She feels them to the core."

"You're making this about Shepherd."

"They slept together at the prom. Callie told us this. That, and his hero complex…." She trailed off.

"What if he doesn't leave her?" Alex mused.

"Exactly." Cristina said. Before she could say anything else, George and Alex's pager went off at the same time. They checked them and muttered destinations and tasks that would seem mundane and useless in the wake of their two damaged friends.

Cristina was left alone to stare at the glass and worry. She placed her hand on the glass, but Meredith was asleep, and it was fruitless.

"Cristina." Burke said, walking up to her. Recently released to their home, he hadn't been back at the hospital since. "I came as soon as I heard."

"Burke. You should be resting." He ignored her, and instead pulled her to his chest, holding her there as they watched her friend.

"I was there. When they brought her in. She looked dead." Cristina whispered. "I was scared." Burke didn't respond right away, thinking there might be more, something she wasn't saying. "I was scared for her. I was scared for you too. That's why…"

He nodded. "I know."

"It's not okay." She told him quickly. "So don't even think about saying its okay."

He smiled. "I won't say it's okay."

"Cause it's not. I was so scared, but I thought… I thought if I showed it, if I let my guard down for even just a second, I wouldn't get it back up again." Again, he waited, always able to perceive when she had something more. "I'm sorry."

He kissed the top of her head. "Can I say it's okay?"

He felt her nod against his chest. "Then, it's okay, Cristina."

It was silent for a long time, as he held her, absorbing her pain and fear, and giving her back love and strength. "Burke?" she said after a long time. "I'm sorry I fell asleep during sex."

"It's okay Cristina."

He released her and pulled her gently away from Meredith's room.

* * *

As they went in the other direction, Addison walked briskly up the hallway. She wanted to see her. As soon as she looked in the window of the clean room, she regretted it. Meredith looked horrible. Horribly scared, horribly sick and horribly alone.

_I can't watch this. _Some reason deep inside her wouldn't let her look through the glass. It made her turn around, like a coward and slump against the wall. Some demon inside of her made her close her eyes and try to ebb out the sympathy she felt for this girl.

_She really is just a girl. You see her as a woman, but she's young. She's not hard like you. _It all made Addison so sad. Life, love, vibrancy, beauty, happiness, inspiration. It was a cycle she had fallen off. Was the cycle spinning without her, or was she on it, and she just couldn't tell. The world looked dark from where she was standing and she didn't know why.

_He had every chance to leave me and he stayed_. Now wasn't going to be different. She almost blew up and he stayed. So why did she feel like her castle was crumbling into the moat? The paradigm was shifting, and everything she thought she knew was falling out from under her.

It was Adele who shook her out of her reverie. "Addison." She said. She gazed in the window. "That poor child."

"She looks dead." Addison said.

"She'll be alright?"

Addison nodded. "My husband made sure of that."

"Richard sent me to tell you. Steven Taylor died in surgery."

Addison's breath caught in her throat. "God." She murmured. "Derek was supposed to…." Adele nodded.

"I know."

Addison's eyes clouded with tears. "He wouldn't do it. He wouldn't save him. He let the man die. Adele, I feel like I don't know him anymore."

Adele put her arms around the younger woman, feeling the pain she felt. "I know, baby. I know."

"He's going to leave."

"So don't let him."

* * *

Richard had joined Adele and Addison by the time Derek came back to the room. "How is she?" he asked, not bothering to greet anyone.

"She's waking up." Richard told him. "Derek, you should know that Taylor died on the table."

Derek nodded stoically. "Who did the surgery?"

"Dr. Althen."

"In her fellowship." Derek said.

"He could have lived." Addison told him. "If you had done it, he could have lived."

"That's why I didn't do it." Derek said, his voice hard. Addison closed her eyes.

"I can't believe you're talking like this. You're a _doctor_ Derek."

His attention was diverted from her and the fight they were about to have when he noticed what was happening inside the room.

Meredith was awake, still lying down, a single IV wound into her arm. Her head was moving around, and she looked like she was vibrating.

"What's going on?" Adele asked.

"Fever. Her temperature was dangerously high when she came in."

"So she's shaking?"

Richard glanced warily at Derek and nodded. Derek shook his head. "You can't just leave her alone in there."

"Derek, we don't know what she has. Standard protocol…"

"Is for standard patients! We know her, we know her situation. She's sick, and traumatized and alone." Derek shook his head. "No. I can't watch this anymore."

The protests of the chief and his wife were nothing but a slight buzzing as he pushed the button, the clean room door slid open and he went inside. He didn't pause at her bed; he just sat down on it.

From the outside looking in, you could see the two of them exchanging words. Addison, Richard and Adele watched as he said something to her, a soft smile on his face. They watched as he waited for her to respond, and they watched his eyes light up when they did.

They watched as Derek laid down on Meredith's hospital bed, and wrapped his arms around her. Richard and Adele walked away. It was uncomfortable to see their story happen to Addison and Derek.

Addison stayed for a full five more minutes, just watching, as Derek, strong, thoughtful, passionate Derek held this small, shaking, vulnerable woman in his arms.


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: Keeping The Faith**

**Author: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, and sex**

**Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all. **

**Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back. **

**Ok. We're working on updating everything faster. Thoughts that characters think to themselves, in their heads, are in italics. Flashbacks are also in italics. Yes, we gave in. Shameless MerDer fluff. Actually, kind of angsty, but pretty much fluffy, too. **

_Two Days Later_

Meredith was back. To work. She was still feeling slightly sick, but she couldn't stand not doing anything. The flashbacks were too much for her. The time to sit and think, and try to figure out what all this meant, it was just too much.

She slipped into an on call room, and leaned her head against the door.

"_I would give anything not to be looking at you." He had said desperately. She made the mistake of turning to face him. His eyes were blazing at her, and the time they stared, just held each others gaze felt like an eternity. _

_But only mere seconds later, he was crossing the room, closing the gap between them and kissing her. She had sat on the exam room table, and let the feeling between them just take over. He consumed her. _

"_Meredith, what does this mean?" _

She banged her head lightly against the door, seeing in her minds eye Taylor and that boat.

"_How sweet, Meredith. You love Derek Shepherd. It's not just dirty sex, is it?" She hadn't said anything to him. The last time she tried to defend Derek had knocked her unconscious. "Too bad your lover is a murder." Taylor had told her, a maniacal gleam in his eyes. _

"_A murderer I'm going to expose." _

She felt her breathing shallow, and she forced herself to move her mind from the boat to her clean room two days ago.

_She heard the door open and when se managed to shift her eyes to the figure next to her bed, it was Derek, and he was already sitting down. _

"_Tell me you're okay." _

_She coughed. "Thank you." She had said weakly. _

_He shook his head. "You have to be okay." _

"_I'll be okay." _

_And then he had laid down, and wrapped his arms around her tightly, and held her more tightly than she had ever been held before. He held her as she shook, as if he could absorb her chills and her fever and fix her. _

Only he hadn't. Because she didn't know what was happening to her, to them. She was terrified, no longer for her safety, or his safety, but now for what was coming. They had sex, and he, he had risked his _life_ for her.

And he hadn't talked to her for two days. Two days he didn't meet her eyes, say her name, or give any attention what so ever. She felt hopeless, helpless and alone. Her friends meant well. They hovered around her.

Cristina was doing supportive, listening to her, and stroking her hair while she cried. Izzie was making her soup and cupcakes, and George was practically tucking her into bed at night, but it wasn't enough.

She had a huge, gaping need inside of her, a need that only Derek could satisfy.

The door to the on call room opened and she jumped as the activity pierced the silence of her own personal hell.

Derek stepped into the room, and shut the heavy oak door behind him. He twisted the lock, feeling the cold metal against his fingertips and looked at her. She looked as horrible as he felt.

Her eyes were sunk down, and she looked thinner than she usually did. The skin that pulled across her face was taut and pale. She looked down as he stared at her. When she finally raised her eyes to meet his, she was surprised to see that his reflection matched her own.

"Derek." She whispered. It wasn't a question or an answer, only his name, a faint whisper that couldn't be heard over any type of noise, but that hung there in that small room, between them like a heavy fog. "Derek what's wrong?"

He wanted to tell her. _I killed someone, Mer. For you._ But he couldn't say it. He sank down onto the bottom bunk of the nearest bed. She sat down on the same bunk, next to him. He could feel the heat radiating from her.

"You're okay now." He said, referring not to her mental state, but to her physical health and proximity to him. She scooted a little closer to him.

"Yeah. I'm okay now."

"Thank you." She said softly, her voice sounding warm and velvety. "For not leaving me alone in there the other day. I was…" she trailed off, looking down.

"I know." He whispered. His voice didn't sound like him. His voice was ragged and low, laden with fear and desire. "Meredith, I was so scared. I thought I would never…." He trailed off and swallowed the lump in his throat. He moved himself closer to her and kissed her softly, his lips gently coming in contact with hers.

"I love you." He whispered against her lips. She pulled away from him quickly, and stared, eyes wide and shining, letting his words tumble over her.

Until that second, this was just an on-call room. Mundane, devoid of anything to set it apart from all the others. Now it was the place where her hope had been sparked.

"What?"

"I love you." He repeated, kissing her again. She slipped her tongue into his mouth and erased all thoughts that told her the last tongue to wrestle with his was probably his wife's. He moved his lips to the spot at the nape of her neck, just above her collarbone. He pressed his weight against hers, gently pushing her back onto the bed.

His hand ran down her side and began to untie her scrubs. "Derek." She whispered. "Please, if you're staying with her, please don't do this."

He looked her in the eye, and what she saw in him sent chills down her spine. All the fear, and pain he had been harboring reflected back at her, coupled with a fire she had been afraid had left him.

He didn't answer her plea for safety, numbness and a place she couldn't feel him, until he had slid off her scrub pants, her lacy underwear, and was positioned above her.

"Please." She whispered again.

"Meredith, I need to feel you." He said, with a sincerity that broke her, right down to her core. It was a statement, but it carried a loaded gun of a question. He was asking her permission, and if she said no, they would both fall apart. She kissed him in reply, and slowly, with a painstaking amount of feeling, he slid inside of her.

When it was over, and she had released her grip on the bed post behind her, and he had rolled over, and simply gathered her in his arms, neither one of them moved. She trembled a little bit, and he brushed some hair out of her face, and realized it wasn't fever, she was crying.

"Meredith…."

She rolled over to face him. "Derek, what are we doing?"

He placed his lips to her forehead, and twisted a lock of her hair around two of his fingers. His chest was rising and falling a little quickly and covered in her smell. Her body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat that glinted as they fluorescent lights caught her movements. It was there, twisted and tangled together on the bottom bunk of an on-call room that he had the most intimate conversation he ever had with anyone.

"I'm not in love with Addison." He whispered to her. "I haven't been since the day I woke up on your floor."

Meredith snuggled closer to him, and he tightened his grip around her. Their noses were touching and she had tears in her eyes. One slipped down her cheek and he wiped it away. "I killed someone, Mer. Taylor. I killed Taylor."

"He died in surgery Derek." She didn't know why they were whispering, but she couldn't bear to raise her voice a single decibel.

"A surgery I could have successfully done. Only I refused to. What kind of doctor does that? I pushed him into that wall and I refused to do the surgery. I didn't know who I was on that boat Meredith."

She was crying now, silent tears that just slipped down her face. "My hero." She whispered to him. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, they were filled too.

"I love you so much it hurts." He said, placing her hand over his heart. "I just need time."

"Oh Derek…" she breathed. He wrapped his arms around her, and moved himself on top of her again. "I'll wait for you." She whispered. She pulled his head close to her. "I love you too." She whispered in his ear.

**Review?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: Keeping The Faith**

**Author: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, and sex**

**Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all. **

**Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back. **

**wow. It feels like years since we've updated this, and it might be our favorite. MerDer sex is happening. Basically, he can't figure out how to leave Addison without being 'the bad guy' so he's stalling, but he's dealing with taylor's death, and he needs meredith, so they're having sex. uhhh, REVIEW?**

_In slow motion, the blast is beautiful.  
(I can do most anything to you).  
-Snow Patrol_

A day passed, then two. Two days after the confession in the on call room, two days after they had ripped their hearts to shreds for each other, they had sex again. They had met, in the dark basement of the hospital. Accounting.

Seattle Grace's accounting staff worked nine to five. There was no one down there all night, but that night, there were two doctors, clinging to each other.

The next day she tried to ignore him, but if she didn't know when she would see him next, she found it hard to breathe. She thought, when he chose Addison that she was broken. Now she could see that was barely a fracture compared to this.

They were both shattered now, annihilated, and their only chance of not going to pieces was each other.

On the fourth night, it was another on call room, the fifth night, his car, the sixth night, an empty exam room.

Tonight would mark one week since the on call room. She was waiting for him. But the week felt like an eternity. What happened if it turned into two weeks? Months, even?

_I'm not in love with Addison. I haven't been since the day I woke up on your floor_. He really had said those words. Meredith, despite all her better judgment, believed them.

She believed everything her told her, for some ridiculous reason she couldn't identify. She had a steadfast faith in him that had been shaken, but still she kept hoping. She could never quite give up on him.

Her pager beeped at her side, reminding her that she still had a job to do, a job that was too important to her to ignore, so she answered the page dutifully.

"Grey." Bailey snapped when she reached the nurses station. "Shepherd's got a craniotomy. He's requested you." Meredith nodded stoically at her resident.

"Right." She murmured. "Craniotomy."

Bailey eyed her suspiciously. "O.R. two, Grey." Meredith nodded, and headed for the O.R, not noticing that Cristina was following her until her best friend grabbed her shoulder and spun her around.

"Mer, whatever it is, just tell me, cause I'm gonna find out." She said bluntly, her way of letting Meredith know that she knew. There was something going on.

Meredith looked up at the ceiling, down at the floor, and finally into the inquisitive eyes of her best friend. "It's Derek." She said.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Well, duh. No one sends you in a fit of depression like McDreamy does. Care to be more specific?"

Meredith smiled in spite of her, finding Cristina's brutal honesty refreshing. "We've been sleeping together."

"Like, prom? No kidding. He all but told the cops and Finn right in front of Addison."

"No, not like prom. Like in an on call room when I first came back and almost every day since."

Cristina's eyebrows raised in a gesture of surprise. "McCheating?" she questioned.

Meredith shrugged. "He asked me to wait for him. Says he can leave her, he just needs time."

"And you're just….waiting?"

"Until I can't wait anymore." Meredith said. Cristina's pager started beeping and she pulled it off her scrubs, and checked it.

"Burke." She said. "Gotta go. Joe's tonight?"

Meredith nodded, and headed for O.R. two.

* * *

Derek fidgeted. He was waiting for her, waiting to see her. He liked to keep her close to him, closer than your ex girlfriend should be, especially when you're still trying to figure out how to tell your wife that you want a divorce. 

Meredith had been avoiding him today. Last night had been incredible. Sex with Meredith was something like an awakening, a religious experience. He just wished he could sort through his own head, and untangle his thoughts, come clean to Addison, and get the divorce.

Then there could be normal things like dates and beds and romance, instead of secret pages, basements, cars and on-call rooms. She deserves better than to sneak around like a dirty mistress, and he felt this immense pressure to figure out how to give her something better.

He knew it should have been simple, but there was something about the recent interaction between him and his wife that plagued him with guilt. A guilt that wouldn't let him do what he wanted.

The scrub room door slid open, and in she walked. She looked small, meak, nervous. It broke his heart.

"Meredith."

"Dr. Shepherd." She said, struggling with herself not to just cry. "Thank you for letting me scrub in."

"Meredith." He says again, pleading with her by the tone of voice he's using. Derek was battling himself, battling the temptation to pull her to him and hold her tight and make it all go away. But he couldn't, because of the ring that was still on his finger.

When he first got married, that ring was so much to him. Now it felt like a noose, tightening around his neck. Her eyes swept upwards from the floor to meet his.

"Okay, Derek." She said.

"Please don't be mad." He whispered.

She smiled at him. "I'm not mad. Not at all. I'm just…"

She looked down again, feigning interest in the tile floor of the scrub room. Her eyes traveled over the shiny metallic sinks, anywhere but Derek's face. He looked at her.

"Just what?"

"Scared." She admitted quietly. "Just scared."

Derek nodded, knowing her well enough that he didn't need to question why. He just nodded and looked around. The O.R. was empty, the gallery was vacant and there was no one in the hallway. So her put his hands on her cheeks, and pressed his lips to her forehead, her nose, and finally her lips.

Their contact was brief, but it sustained her. She smiled at him again, and this time it was more of a real smile.

"Craniotomy?" she said.

"Page the scrub nurses?" he asked. She nodded and slipped out of the scrub room, and almost crashed into George.

"George!"

"Meredith, what are you doing?" he asked, ignoring her greeting, not bothering with any formalities.

"George, don't do that. Don't ask me questions about him in that disapproving tone. Just please, don't."

George nodded. "Okay. But when you want to tell me about it, I'll listen."

Meredith nodded, and went for the phone, looking to page the scrub nurses. But before she closed her small hand over the receiver, she looked back at George. "Thank you." She said.

"For what?" her roommate asked her with a smile.

She smiled back. "For being George."

* * *

It was a serious surgical high. Not the kind of smug, I'm-not-in-med-school anymore high you got from simple surgeries. It was an inside someone's brain, life and death, right there, over the table, intense surgical high. 

Meredith was feeling it. It was washing over her body, coupling with all the unanswered questions and sexual happenings of the last week and turning into a seriously intoxicating mix. She was striding down the dark hallway of the surgical floor. The board was quiet tonight. Burke and Cristina were all the way down the hall in a smaller OR with no gallery, but save for them, it was deserted.

She contemplated going to an on call room to sleep for a few minutes, but there was too much adrenaline pumping through her veins. She leaned against the wall in the hallway, trying to think, trying to breathe, trying to do anything, really.

She didn't even hear the footsteps, but somehow, out of nowhere, Derek materialized in the hallway. Meredith took one look at his face, and saw how he felt the same way she did. His eyes were darkened with desire, so dark they were almost navy, and it rocked her to the core to know that desire was for her.

She let him take control, because she liked it, and because he needed it. He pulled her a few feet down the hall to a supply closet and opened the door. He practically pulled her arm out of the socket yanking her inside. The door was shut and locked in seconds, and she backed against it.

"Come here, Derek." She said huskily, and he didn't waste any time. Their lips fused, and Meredith untied his scrubs quickly, and without hesitation, as he did the same to hers. His lower half replaced hers entirely, and his lips burned her skin every time they touched her.

It was so good to be inside of her, it nearly killed him. Her hands were tangled in his hair, and she kissed him. She didn't stop kissing him.

Derek was home, truly home with her. It was pure poetry, the way he whispered her name in her ear as she gripped her shoulder, tightened around him, as they came as the same time. When it was over, they just slid to the floor, still half naked, still tangled in each other's limbs and embrace.

"Jesus Christ, Meredith." Derek said. "You're going to be the death of me."

Meredith bit her bottom lip, still reeling. "I almost was." She whispered. "You could have died. Saving me, you know. I would never have been able…." She stopped.

Derek cupped her chin with his hand. "There is nothing that would make me regret coming onto that boat. Even if I had died, Meredith, I couldn't lose you. Not then, not ever. It would be like the end of the world."

She didn't say anything else, she couldn't. She just settled back into his arms, and held on to him, tightly, because letting go would feel like the end of the world.

* * *

It was almost five o'clock in the morning, when Meredith returned home, unable to sleep, unable to do anything but think about Derek. Her house was too small for all her thoughts and emotions, so she sat on the porch with a cup of coffee and waited for the sunrise. 

Sensible intern Meredith thought about it and realized that she had to be up for rounds in two hours, but confused, in love Meredith knew she'd never fall asleep. Her thoughts lingered on the tall, dark haired, blue eyed brain surgeon.

And as if she had conjured up by thinking about him, he appeared, walking towards her, locking his car by aiming his keys behind him. He was here.


	10. Chapter 10

**Title: Keeping The Faith**

**Author: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, and sex**

**Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all. **

**Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back. **

**So this is finally updated. And it's angsty. Basically, Meredith and Derek are going through something bigger than they can comprehend. They've just been through hell, and the only way they can heal themselves is with each other, but that's hurting them too. And Derek really means it when he says he loves her, but he just cant bring himself to be the guy who leaves his wife for his mistress. So it's angsty. **

**'Forever and a day' is new. Look for more updates. As always, REVIEW.**

_"I'm willing to break myself  
to shake this hell from everything I touch,  
I'm willing to bleed for days, my reds and greys,  
so you don't hurt so much."  
-Something Corporate_

"You're here." Meredith said, sounding dazed and stupid as she watched Derek ambled up and sink down next to her on the porch.

"I'm sorry." He said, his blue eyes blazing.. "I had this dream, and I needed to see you…." He trailed off slowly, and reached down. He took her small hand in his, and locked their fingers.

"What are we doing?" she asked him. "We're out of control, Derek." He stroked her hand with his thumb and looked at her.

"I need to know how to leave her." He said. "And God, I wish I could figure it out."

"Don't know how to, or don't want to?" she asked, her voice meek, and quiet.

"Meredith, I love you. I love you in a way that just takes over me. I just don't know how to obliterate eleven years."

She nodded, and he pulled her close to him, and kissed her softly. He kissed her down into a horizontal position, and pulled at the ties on the scrubs she still wore.

A million things raced through her mind. It was so wrong. He was married, she was still dating Finn, they were on her porch. But she didn't care. None of it matter when she could feel him inside of her. And she could. Literally and figuratively.

There was desperation in the way they held each other there, on her porch. They clung to each other hard, so hard she didn't know where she stopped and he started. It was still pitch black outside, and she could see stars.

She hated that these perfect moments were tainted by how wrong it was, and how cheap she felt. She looked up into his eyes. "Tell me you need me." She whispered. He told her. It wasn't enough.

"Tell me you love me." She gasped. He looked right into her eyes, and it was almost too much for her.

"I love you." He said. She raised her mouth to his and kissed him, and closed her eyes to fight the tears she felt coming. She knew that he meant it, and that was damning, no matter how glad she was that it was true.

They sat on her porch for a long time after it was over, as the first rays of sun started to peek over the Space Needle. After what could have been a few hours or no time at all, he checked his watch.

"Your shift?"

"Six."

He smiled. "Come on. Breakfast." She shrugged, and followed him to his car without arguing.

He eyed her over plates of French toast, smiling tentatively at her, working up the courage to say things.

"What?" she asked, taking a sip of coffee and cutting French toast.

"This is all so…intense." He said.

Meredith nodded. "I'm still waiting for you." She said, sensing he wanted confirmation.

He nodded back at her, and they finished eating in silence. Meredith felt like the walls were closing in on her. Sex at the prom, that was a mistake, a cross roads. It should have been the turning point or the end, and it was neither.

This was no longer just a mistake, it was an affair. They were sneaking around, they were having illicit sex. But it was so much more than that. They were saying things. He told her he loved her, for Christ's sakes. They were confessing things to each other.

It was deadly. Sitting across from Derek Shepherd, eating French toast and drinking coffee? She felt more comfortable, more perfect than she did anywhere else. But it was deadly. He said he was going to leave her. But what if he didn't?

She'd be her mother. And that would kill her.

* * *

"Seriously?" Izzie asked. "You came to work with him? Isn't that a little bit risky, Mer? I mean, with the wife and all?"

Meredith shrugged and picked at her salad. "I don't know, Iz."

Cristina took a bite out of her sandwich and grabbed a chip off George's plate. "It sounds like he wants to get caught. It'd be an easy out. Getting caught is a forced confession. Hell of a lot easier than owning up to being a McBastard."

George nodded empathetically, shooting pitying glances at Meredith. "I'm sure he's going to leave her. Really. He wouldn't….not again. It's going to be fine."

He shook his head with conviction, like he had just solved the problems in the Gaza Strip, and smiled reassuringly at Meredith. She smiled weakly back and looked around the table. They was all giving her that look. Even Alex, who had been silent, was giving her that look.

That pitying look. Poor, dirty mistress Meredith is going to get screwed all over again. She didn't want to see that look. She got up and walked away, leaving her uneaten lunch and her lab coat sitting at the table.

She strode through the hospital, looking for some quiet place to be alone for just a little while. Some place where she could breathe, for just a moment. On call rooms were out, she had slept with Derek in most of them. She couldn't face an exam room, or a lounge, or even the bridge, despite how much she loved the windows.

She was striding and looking down, watching her feet move methodically. "Whoa." Came a sickeningly familiar voice. Meredith's head snapped up and she instinctively tucked a few strands of hair behind her ears.

"Dr. Shepherd." She said.

"I didn't see your car here, Dr. Grey." Addison said, smiling. "I thought you wimped out on your duties today."

Meredith shook her head. "No, I uh, I like them. The duties. I came to work with…" Her pager beeped, interrupting the stunted, awkward conversation before it could go any further. Meredith checked it, and it said nothing except for 'roof'.

She waved in the air awkwardly and smiled at the wife of the man who said he loved her. "Duty calls." She mumbled, heading quickly in the opposite direction.

When she burst onto the roof, there was no chopper with a trauma patient or an organ. There was just a tall man with thick dark hair standing, looking out over the city. She made her way over to him, and stood next to him wordlessly.

"I'm sorry." He said. "That it's taking so long."

"It's okay." She said, even though it wasn't. "She was your family for eleven years. I'm giving you a moment."

He shook his head. "It's not that Meredith, it's just…"

"That."

He shook his head adamantly. "It's not. I can't explain it, I don't know how. The words, they get…"

"I know."

"You're still waiting?"

She sighed heavily, and slipped her hand into his, letting the wind whip through her hair. "I'm still waiting."

* * *

The day flew by after that. She scrubbed in on a surgery with Bailey, did the post op notes and what felt like a thousand sutures, and before she knew it, her shift was over. She trudged into the locker room, and her fellow interns stopped talking the minute they saw her come through the door.

She didn't say anything. She would talk about herself too, if she were one of them. "We're going to Joe's." George said. "You'll need a ride?"

She shook her head. "I'll walk over. I need to think or something."

She watched them leave, changed slowly, and walked over. Slowly. She didn't know why _she_ was dragging. But she dragged anyway. She dragged into Derek outside the bar. He pulled her over to the side of the building and she leaned against the wall.

"You look catatonic." He said simply.

She shrugged. "I feel like I'm watching this happen to someone else."

* * *

Finn Dandridge strolled up to the Emerald City Bar. It was a hospital hang out, but he went anyway. His conversations with Meredith over the past week had been brief, and completely unrevealing.

Something happened with Derek. That much he could sense. But she wasn't saying a word. She wasn't talking about the abduction either, and he needed her to let him in if they were going to have a chance.

Somewhere in his heart of hearts he knew there was no chance. She was destroying them, probably on purpose, and in his heart of hearts he knew why. But he ignored it all. He sauntered up to the entrance, but got distracted by voices as he stretched out his hand to pull the door open.

Something made him walk around the building and focus on the couple against the wall on the other side. They were kissing, deeply, like it was the only thing they could possibly do. The woman broke away.

"Derek, we shouldn't." she said. "I don't want her to find out by catching us in the act."

"Do you have to bring Addison into this?" He asked, leaning down to kiss her again. Finn felt like someone punched him in the stomach. Meredith. Derek.

Meredith looked like she was going to pull away, but instead, she gave into it. She put her hands on his cheeks and broke away. "Derek, how much longer?" she asked. It was quiet, and Finn had to strain to hear it.

"I'm doing the best I can." He heard the doctor say in a strained voice. "I love you Meredith. You know that. It's just so complicated."

Finn walked back to the entrance and entered the bar. He didn't need to hear her say it back.

* * *

When Addison clicked into Joe's several minutes later, Derek was seated at a table by himself, a large glass of amber liquid between his hands. She frowned at the miserable look on her husband's face and approached the table hesitantly.

"That's a lot of scotch." She said lightly.

"I'll need it." Derek said, downing the remaining contents of the glass in a single gulp. Addison sat down, her concern face on, and Derek stood up, unable to stomach it.

"You want a drink?" he asked.

She smiled. "Ask Joe to make me a cosmo." When he set it down in front of her, she didn't drink immediately like he did.

"Bad day?" she asked.

"Long day." He answered.

"You left this morning." She said lightly.

He nodded. "Lots of paper work. Chief needed a consult. There was a lot going on."

She smiled. "You should get some rest, Derek." She advised. She would have said more, but the sound of flesh slapping wood distracted her. Her perfectly plucked left eyebrow arched over her perfectly made up eye.

"He looks angry." She said. Derek turned around to see who she was talking about.

Finn.

* * *

"What the hell is this, Meredith?" Finn hissed from his seat at the bar. "Tell the truth."

She looked down at the glass in front of her, and couldn't even bring herself to drink it. She met her boyfriend's eyes and looked at him for a long time without saying anything. She took a deep breath.

"Taylor, the man that…" she nodded over that part. "He had me on his boat in the harbor. Derek was the one who came and got me out of it." She said, choosing her words carefully. "Ever since then, things have been complicated between us."

"And complicated means making out against the wall of a bar?"

"You saw that." She said. It wasn't a question, merely an ode of defeat.

"He's a married man!" Finn hissed angrily, trying to stay quiet.

"I've been sleeping with him." Meredith said before she could stop herself. "He says he loves me. He says he's going to leave her." Even to her own ears, her voice sounded hollow and numb.

Finn slapped his hand on the bar. "The hospital prom. You did sleep with him."

"I'm so sorry, Finn."

He shook his head and threw a twenty onto the bar. "No. You made your own bed. You lie in it." He said, stalking away. Meredith glanced behind her, to where Addison was placing a perfectly manicured hand on Derek's arm.

She picked up the shot glass and tipped it back, emptying the entire contents down her throat. Right. She had almost forgotten. Blissful numbness was only a bottle away.


	11. Chapter 11

**Title: Keeping The Faith**

**Author: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, and sex**

**Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all. **

**Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back. **

**We havent updated anything in weeks, and for that we apologize. We're back at school, and we have a lot more work this semester, but we're gonna do the best we can. Fo' Sho'. Basically, in this chapter, Meredith is getting tired of waiting, but she doesnt think she has any other choice, so she's doing it the best way she knows how. And the other interns have had enough, so they decide to stick up for her. **

**Essentially, Derek is becoming the bad guy. But he doesnt see it that way, because he's too wrapped up in how it's all affecting him. **

**REVIEW. PLEASE.**

"_So please hand me the bottle,  
I think I'm lonely now,  
and please give me direction,  
I think the hurt's set in,  
but I don't feel nothing."  
–Matchbox Twenty_

Addison's mouth was moving. She was saying things, things her husband should have been listening to. But his gaze was fixed on Meredith, and his brow furrowed in worry as he watched her take shot after shot.

He tried to count how many times she raised the glass to her lips, but he wasn't sure how many he'd missed the few times he'd looked at Addison. His hands tensed around his own glass every time she tipped her head and poured tequila down her throat.

She wasn't even with her friends. She was a few stools away from all of them, like she couldn't bear to talk to anyone. Addison waved her hand in front of Derek. "Sweetie." She said, exasperated. "You still in there? I'm exhausted. Can we go?"

Derek forced a smile. "If you grab the car, I'll settle with the bartender." Addison nodded and gathered her things. Derek waited until she left, then strode up to the bar.

* * *

Meredith felt a hand on her arm as she raised another shot to her lips. It took her about three seconds to realize it wasn't any old hand, it was his hand. "What do you want?" she asked, her voice sounding harsher than she'd realized.

"Mer, stop. Please." He asked, his tone caught somewhere between pleading and commanding. His hand on her skin was scorching. She wrenched her arm from his glass and poured the alcohol down her throat, enjoying the burn.

She shook her head. "No." she said. "No. You have no say over how I ride out the waiting."

"Meredith, you're going to hurt yourself."

She shook her head and smiled a crooked, sad, smile. "No." she said again. "Tonight, I'm not hurting. I'm not going to feel anything at all, Derek." She said, signaling for another shot.

"She's had enough Joe." Derek called.

"Pour me another, Joe." Meredith countered. She turned back to Derek. "You're not my boyfriend, Derek. You don't have to watch out for me."

"I don't mind." He said, smiling what he hoped was his McDreamy smile.

She shook her head. "You don't _get_ to watch out for me, Derek." She said, a harshness in her voice. "You don't get to keep me waiting for you, and then expect that you can watch out for me."

"I'm sorry." He said in a husky voice. "I'm sorry."

She shut her eyes to his. "You make me feel so much, I think I'm going to break. I don't want to feel anything right now."

He placed a hand on her arm. "Meredith, don't do this."

She opened her eyes and looked into his, for a long, long time. She reached out with the arm not covered in his and placed her hand over his. Fingers intertwined on contact, and their eyes remained locked.

Her friends, and half the bar was staring at them, but neither of them moved. Finally, Meredith looked down. "Your wife is probably waiting." She murmured.

Derek pressed his lips to her forehead. "Take care of yourself." He whispered. "Please." He ran his hand up her arm and clutched her should as he walked away. From the door of the bar, Addison left her position at the window, and ran back out into the rain.

After what she had seen, she didn't care how Derek got home.

* * *

After going back to the hospital to retrieve his own car, Derek drove home slowly, almost turning around and going back to check on Meredith a few hundred times. When he finally reached the trailer, he walked through the rain slowly, like moving too quickly would cause something horrible to happen to her. When he entered the trailer, Addison was sitting on the bed, with her arms crossed and ice in her stare.

"Hi." He said.

She cut right to the chase. "You want to tell me what the hell that was?" she asked.

"What was?"

"You and Meredith, and your little bar tango."

Derek snorted at how simple she thought it was. "Please, Addison, it was hardly a tango." He said. "Dr. Grey looked upset, and I was concerned."

"And you expect me to believe that?"

No. No, actually, I've been sleeping with her. I love her. I want a divorce. He could have said that. But instead he just nodded. Addison took off her glasses, turned off the light and rolled away from him.

* * *

Back at Joe's, Cristina, Izzie, George and Alex watched with growing concern as Meredith pounded shots.

"Uh, Mer?" Cristina called over. "You want to provide us with any insight?"

Meredith's head snapped in her direction. "To what?" she asked belligerently.

"Maybe as to why Shepherd just went all McProtective on your ass. Or why you're drinking like tequila's going out of style."

Meredith turned her entire stool to face them. "I'm waiting." She announced drunkenly.

Izzie's brow furrowed. "Okaaaay." She said, drawing out the word. "Is this like knitting?"

Meredith frowned, reached behind her, and took another shot. "No. I'm waiting for McDreamy to leave McWife."

Her friends exchanged pointed glances. "What?" she all but shouted. "He promised. He's going to. Seriously."

* * *

"Who's presenting?" Nothing. "Who is presenting?" Bailey repeated.

"Uhhh…" Meredith started. But it wasn't working. The room was spinning, her head was pounding and her stomach was churning. She felt like she was going to fall over and pass out at any given moment.

"Grey!" Bailey snapped. She heard George's voice come in and take over, spitting out the patient's name and symptoms. Meredith couldn't do it anymore. She looked pleadingly at Bailey, who seemed to understand what was wrong. Bailey nodded and jerked her head toward the door.

Meredith stumbled out into hallway, and barely made it to the nearest bathroom before she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

While she was throwing up, her friends made an executive decision. They were going to the source. It was almost five o'clock by the time they corned Derek in an elevator. George reached out when he wasn't looking and pressed the button for the basement. Derek got off first, and looked around.

"Why are we in the basement?" he asked, as the four remaining interns filed off the elevator, letting it shut behind them. "You haven't brought me down here to kill you, have you?" Derek joked.

He was met with four stony stares. Cristina stepped forward. "Listen, _McDreamy_," she spat out. "We know exactly what's going on, here. And Meredith may buy it, hook, line and sinker, but we don't."

"Don't buy what?"

Cristina rolled her eyes. "This whole, please wait for me just a little longer, Meredith routine. I don't know what you think you're doing, but it's not good enough for her. Right now, you're not good enough for her."

"Dr. Yang, that's not your place!" he snapped.

"Don't talk to her like that!" George snapped back. "You don't get it Dr. Shepherd. You don't get to do this to her. Not now, not again. What we're saying is not a warning, it's not a reminder, it's an ultimatum."

Izzie nodded. "Come clean to Addison. End it. Or we will."

Derek shook his head in disbelief. Alex squared his shoulders and looked him up and down. "Do you think we're joking? You think just because you're our boss we're scared of you? You've lost the respect of all of us. Pretty soon, you'll lose the respect of Meredith, too, and you don't want that, because she's pretty much the only person in your life who can't see through you."

"This is ridiculous." Derek said, keeping his deer in the highlights look. At that moment, the elevator door slid open and out walked Miranda Bailey.

"No." she said. "What's ridiculous is the fact that my intern is bent over a toilet throwing up her stomach acid because you did something that forced her into a drunken stupor."

Derek opened his mouth, but Bailey just spoke louder. "No! You don't get to talk. You listen. I don't know exactly what's going on, here, Shepherd, but I'm nowhere near as stupid as you, so I picked up on it. You choose. Once and for all." With that, she stepped back on the elevator she had been holding open with her foot.

Cristina looked at Derek. "We'll give you five days. Or we go to Addison."


	12. Chapter 12

**Title: Keeping The Faith**

**Author: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, and sex**

**Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all. **

**Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back. **

"_She just can't let him go,  
no, she just can't let him go.  
And I'm sorry if I made you wanna cry."  
-Joe Purdy_

Finna Dandridge was not an irrational man. In fact, most would say he was pretty damn rational. He listened, he calmed down, he fixed. But last night, when Meredith Grey had told him that she was still seeing Derek Shepherd, he hadn't been rational.

Maybe it was because he didn't understand it. Why she thought this time would be different, what convinced her it would be a good idea. He sighed and looked down at his shoes before finishing the walk into the lobby of Seattle Grace hospital.

He had to, at the very least apologize. He couldn't help but smile as he saw Meredith trudging out into the lobby in her jeans and sweater, coat and bag over one arm.

She saw him and changed the direction her feet were numbly carrying her in from her car to the man who had gotten caught up in the wreckage that was her and Derek.

"Hi." She said.

"Hi." He motioned to the seat next to him. "Can we talk?"

She nodded, and as she sat down, Finn couldn't help but notice the dark circles under eyes, and the lifeless look in them.

"I'm sorry for the way I stormed out on you last night." He said. "I was shocked, and hurt, but you didn't deserve that."

She shook her head. "No, I did." She said quietly. "I deserved that and a lot more. Finn, I'm so sorry."

Finn looked over at her and smiled sadly. "But you're not sorry." He said gently. "You may be sorry for hurting me, but you're not sorry for being with him."

Meredith shifted in her chair so she was facing him. "I don't know how to be without Derek." She whispered, the confession tumbling from her lips. "When he was trying with Addison, I felt like I'd never know who I was again. I don't know how to breathe without Derek in my life."

She took a deep, shaky breath and continued. "He killed the man who abducted me." She said, laughing bitterly. "How ridiculous does that sound. And he told me he loved me. And he asked me to wait for him to find a way to leave his wife…." Her face crumpled, and tears started to fall. "But I don't know if he ever will."

Finn placed a comforting hand on her back as she dropped her face into her hands and cried. "You should have told me you were _this_ scary and damaged." He said jokingly.

Through her tears, he heard her laugh, and she picked her head up and wiped her eyes. "So what do you think I should do?" she asked earnestly, looking Finn in the eye. "It's been weeks, and all he can do is ask me to wait."

"Meredith, all we can do is follow our hearts. If you love him, and you need him that much, you're going to have to steel your resolve, keep your faith, and wait for him." He pulled her into an awkward, one armed hug. "I'll be here if you ever need a friend."

She smiled. "Thanks Finn."

In the form of a true gentleman, he walked her to her Jeep and watched as it sailed across the road and pulled into a parking space at the Emerald City Bar. He watched as another car pulled up along side her as she climbed out of her.

He watched her as she stood, talking to the driver, before going around and getting in the passenger seat. The car took off and headed for what looked like the harbor.

Finn sighed, and made his way towards his own car. "I hope you know what you're doing, Mer." He whispered to the retreating vehicle that had her inside of it.

* * *

Sex with Meredith was not uncommon these days. It was adulterous, wrong, exhilarating and wonderful, but it was not uncommon. When she had arrived at Joe's Derek had taken the opportunity. He drove them to that place, overlooking the ferry boats. He just wanted to talk.

But as it usually did these days, one thing led to another, and now she was under him in his car, like they were teenagers or something. Derek was struck by how beautiful she was, even after a night of binge drinking and day of paying for it.

She closed her eyes, tipped her head back, grasped his shoulder and shuddered underneath as she came, and he couldn't stop staring at her. She was a goddess to him, some gorgeous being he was lucky enough to have.

When they finished, and her eyes opened, they were staring at him with the most heartbreakingly vulnerable look of utter trust and faith he had ever seen. It brought tears to his eyes.

They dressed quietly and got out of the car for reasons neither of them could define.

"How are you?" he asked her, as they leaned against the hood of his car, staring out of the moonlight harbor.

She shrugged and bit her lip as her eyes filled with tears. He walked over to her, and folded his arms around her, pulled her close and hugged her tight. She wasn't sure how long they stood like that.

"Is this what we've been reduced to?" she whispered to him, pulling. "Is this all we have now? A few moments after work?"

"Meredith, I'm sorry."

"Derek, you don't get it. It's Addison. She's the catalyst, she's the reason all this is happening."

"She's my wife." He murmured.

"You're not being true to yourself."

"I love you."

"Then leave her." Meredith looked surprised at herself, and Derek's eyes widened. "There." She continued. "I said it. You say you love me, and I believe you. But I can't keep doing this, Derek. Back and forth, up and down? I'm not a yo-yo."

She put a hand on his cheek. "So let me make it easy for you. Her or me. I won't cry, I won't beg. But I'm giving you a month. A month during which I won't sleep with you, or get kidnapped. We'll just be. And at the end of that month, it's her or me. And if it's her, I'm leaving. Because I just can't do this anymore."

"Leaving?" he echoed. The implications of the word seized him with terror.

"Don't you see it, Derek?" she asked, intertwining their fingers. "Loving you is all I have left. If I can't love you, and have you, I have to erase it all. I'll have to start over. It's up you."

* * *

The gravel crunched under his tires as he pulled back up to Joe's. She jumped out the car before he had a chance to park it, and went inside. Since Addison hadn't made it yet, he sat next to her at the bar.

"This isn't going the way I hoped." She said without looking at him.

"What were you hoping for, Dr. Grey?" he asked playfully, hoping she would lighten her tone.

"I was hoping that giving you an ultimatum would make you see how much you love me, and you'd end it now." She said sadly, staring down into the shot glass in front of her.

"I do love you, Mer." He said, in hushed tone. "But I need all the time I can get." The door to the bar opened with a jingle, and in walked Addison, looking, as usual, fabulous.

Meredith's hand tightened around the shot glass, and she poured it down her throat. "Right." She said loudly. "Thanks, Dr. Shepherd. I'll check on that patient first thing in the morning. I'd hate to make you wait." The harsh, bitter tone in her voice wasn't lost on him.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, before sliding off the bar stool to dutifully kiss his wife on the cheek. From his position at the table he shared with Addison, he spent another night watching her empty a bottle.

* * *

Later that night, Izzie held Meredith's hair back as she threw up into their toilet. "How much did you have?" Izzie prodded gently. Meredith shut her eyes.

"Too much."

George returned with a glass of ginger ale. "Mer, why?" he asked. She turned to face them and accepted the glass of ginger ale. She slumped against the toilet, planning on not telling them, but the concern in their expressions was genuine, so she started talking.

"Derek picked me up at Joe's, and took me to our place. Where we watch the ferry boats. We had sex in his car. I told him he had a month to decide, Addison or me, and then we went back to Joe's and he said he needed all the time I had to give."

She turned back over the toilet as nausea rose inside her again, and George left the room. When he returned he was carrying pillows and blankets, and he made a bed for the three of them right there on the bathroom floor.

As they all settled down to go to sleep, Izzie and George locked eyes. One day down, four to go. Just because Meredith was willing to wait a month didn't mean her friends were.


	13. Chapter 13

**Title: Keeping The Faith**

**Author: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, and sex**

**Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all. **

**Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back. **

**So, we've updated everything else recently, and then we were like, oh yeah, our favorite story, wtf? We just started a brand spankin' new guy tonight, called "Fireworks". It's an angsty, MerDer fic(go figure) but we're super excited about it. So go read that too. Basically in this chapter, it's more of the same. Derek needs to stay close to Mer, because losing her scares him, but since he can't quite get the balls to leave Addie, sex is the only way he knows how to keep close to Mer. Bascially, it's all about Derek in Derek's head. **

**REVIEW.**

"_They're shining down the light  
to bring you back again,  
back where I can find you,  
to crawl inside you."  
-Guster_

_Three Days_

Meredith sighed and leaned on the counter of the nurse's station with her head in her hands. A coffee cup clinked on the counter and she looked up.

"Dr. Montgomery." She stammered. "Um, what?"

"You look dead on your feet, Grey." She said, gesturing towards the coffee. "Thought you could use a pick me up."

Meredith's breath caught in her lungs and her chest ached. "Thank you, Addison." She said softly. "That was really nice of you."

Her pager went off. "I gotta go." She said sadly, not meeting the red head's eyes. She grabbed the coffee off the counter and hurried in the other direction.

"Tyler!" she called as soon as she saw him. "You paged?"

"Shepherd needs an intern in overflow six." Meredith groaned. Overflow trauma rooms were notoriously empty, rarely used and far away.

"How many trauma patients are there taking up the rest of the rooms?" she grumbled under her breath. She trekked up a flight of stairs to the east wing of the hospital, and rode an elevator all the way to trauma overflow.

When she finally opened the door to room six, and stared. There was no patient, no trauma, and no emergency to warrant her being there. There was just Derek, leaning against the exam table, arms folded over his chest, cocky smirk playing across his lips.

"Derek, what the hell is this?"

He didn't bother responding. Words felt silly to him, when they had lips and tongues to tangle with. He kissed her, and for a fleeting moment, she kissed him back. It felt good, to good to kiss him. She started to wrap her arms around his neck, but she felt the cup of coffee in her hands. Coffee from his _wife_.

She pushed him away as it all came back to her. The time limit. The month she graciously gave, and the month he assured her he needed.

"Mer…" he said. "Don't you want to?"

She closed her eyes, not sure if she should sit down and cry at the absurdity or slug him in the jaw for treating her this way. "Of course I want to, Derek." She snapped.

"Then what's the problem?" he asked reaching for her.

She brandished the coffee cup in his face. "The problem, _Dr. Shepherd_," she spat out angrily, "Is this. Coffee from your _wife_! The problem is that I told you we would take time. Time that was not consumed by an affair that makes me feel like some cheap…." She trailed off, not wanting to introduce whore back into the dialogue of her and Derek.

"Meredith…" he started again.

She shook her head. "I'm giving you time, Derek. That's all I have left to give."

"Meredith, you don't have to…" He tried again. "It doesn't have to be like this."

She let out a strangled, angry, half scream, and flung her hand in his face. "See the difference between my ring finger and yours?" she asked, "Yes, it does have to be like this. You have time to figure out who you want, Derek. Until then, we can't."

She left, still clutching the coffee, and Derek stood, watching her go, bewildered, wondering what had changed and why she didn't understand.

* * *

Meredith stormed down to the tunnels, torn between anger and an overwhelming sadness. Sadness scared her. Terrified her. Sadness was what she was going to feel when he picked Addison again. She would hold out for a month, but it seemed so inevitable to her now.

Anger was easier. So she went with that as she threw herself onto a gurney. "He had Tyler page me to trauma overflow." She said to Cristina and Alex, the only two who were there. Cristina was eating an apple, and Alex was filling out post op notes. "There was no trauma patient. Only Derek and his come hither smirk."

They said nothing. Meredith looked over at them, expectantly. "What?" Cristina asked, between mouthfuls of Granny Smith. "You expect me to be surprised? He's reach a new level of McBastardness. Nothing shocks me anymore."

"I gave him a month." She said, not noticing as Cristina and Alex exchanged glances. "I told him he had a month to choose, thinking it would prompt him to do so now. But he was all, 'oh I need the time' or something."

Cristina hopped off the gurney she sat on. "I'll be back." She offered and sped off. Meredith looked at Alex.

"I'm an idiot, aren't I?"

"For sleeping with the guy who risked his life to save you, even though he's married? I don't know if I'd say idiot, but there may have been wiser courses of action."

Meredith smiled. "Quite the diplomat, you are these days, Karev."

He looked over at her seriously. "You're booking aren't you? If he stays with her again?"

Meredith suddenly became very interested in the ceiling tiles. "Meredith," Alex pushed, "I'm not the idiot."

"Yeah. If it doesn't work…" she trailed off and swallowed. "I don't know how to feel anything else."

They sat in silence.

* * *

Cristina charged through the halls until she spotted him, leaning against a wall, hair styled as usual. "Uh, Dr. Shepherd?" She asked. "I have notes here, on a patient? I'd love to ask you a quick question." She announced loudly.

He looked around warily, and nodded. She dropped her voice to a low hiss. "Look. Meredith's my best friend and all, but you make her into an idiot. Just because she's stupid enough to give you a month, doesn't mean we are. Three days left. Or Addison will hear it from us."

She was gone, saying something about a consult later at a volume that others could hear. Derek ran a hand through his thick hair, and walked to the cafeteria. He spent the rest of the day trying unsuccessfully to get Meredith's attention, but it just wasn't working. She ignored him purposefully.

She avoided him in the halls, the elevator, and she, somehow, avoided his cases. He slumped against a wall, almost hoping for someone to get something severely wrong with their brain, just so he'd have a case rare enough to tempt her.

He didn't understand what was happening. He didn't understand why she didn't understand, because he though they had understood each other. He thought he had known exactly where they stood, and exactly how it was going to play out.

Only he didn't. He realized that he didn't understand how to leave his wife. He didn't understand how to tell her that he wanted out. That he'd tried and he'd failed her, and now he wanted to cut it off.

Derek hated, more than anything else, feeling like a failure. And if reason were guiding him, he might have noticed that he was failing Meredith, but all he could see was how hard it was for him.

It blinded him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Title: Keeping The Faith**

**Author: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, and sex**

**Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all. **

**Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back. **

"_She won't keep on waiting  
for you without a doubt."  
-The Fray_

_Two Days_

Derek was miserable. He was living in a hell of his own making, which made it all worse. It sucked to be miserable, but it sucked even more to have no one to blame but yourself for being that way.

Meredith hadn't so much as looked at him since yesterday, let alone speak to him. They existed in what felt like two separate universes. Her friends huddled around her every time he approached, and even when she was alone, she didn't so much as look his way.

He hated it. He needed her. After all, she was his Meredith. He'd gone so far as to offer her a surgery. A pretty good surgery, but she had shaken her head, looked down and muttered something about being in the pit.

So there he was, watching Karev wash his hands to scrub in.

"Why didn't Meredith at least want in on my surgery?" Derek felt himself ask.

Alex snorted. "Dude, she wants nothing to do with you until you figure out what you want. Which you don't have a lot of time to do, you know."

Derek raised his eyebrows. "Was that a threat, Karev?"

Alex turned to him. "You're damn right it was. You have until the end of the day tomorrow, or we will go to Addison."

At this, Derek's blood boiled. It was all too much. She hadn't come to Joe's last night. He had asked Addison if she wanted to go, out of nothing but hopes that Meredith would be there, but she wasn't. There was no trace of her at all.

He'd raised his eyebrows at George and Izzie in the obvious question, and had been met with only their cold stares. He had stayed for hours, praying she would walk in with Cristina, but she never came.

And this was it. He snapped, and it all rained down on Alex. "Listen, Karev," he barked. "Not only do I outrank you, not only am I your boss, I'm also better than you. I'm an excellent surgeon, and you could learn from this surgery. But, since all you can do is threaten me about my personal life that doesn't concern you, I don't think I can use you."

"When she stumbles into the locker room, hung over and puffy eyed, and mopes around all day, waiting for a page from you, it concerns me. When you hurt someone I care about relentlessly to feed your ego, or whatever the hell it is, make no mistake, Dr. Shepherd, it concerns me."

They stood, eye to eye. Derek really wanted to punch him. A clean hit to the jaw. That's what he really wanted. But he didn't. He merely backed down. "Get out of here." He growled.He tracked down Bailey at the nurse's station. "Dr. Bailey." He called. She turned around, hands on her hips. She looked him up and down and scowled.

"What can I possibly do for you, Dr. Shepherd?"

"I need an intern. I can't use Karev. We hadn't even scrubbed in and he was just… mouthing off. I'm going to take Grey out of the pit, okay?" He started to pull out his pager, but Bailey shot him a look that stopped him in his tracks.

"Don't you dare." She said.

He glared at her. "I'm your boss, you work for me. You don't get to tell me what to do." She raised her eyebrows.

"Follow me." She said in a tone that left no room at all for negotiation. So he did. He followed her to the pit. "Look at her." Bailey said. "Don't look at her as your intern, your Meredith. Really look at her. Look at how she's hurting."

Derek looked. And for the first time in weeks, he saw her. Her face was taut and pale; her eyes were sunken and hollow, completely devoid of shine. Her mouth was set in a tight line. Her face looked thin, and she just looked, weak.

He blinked a few times, and thought back. It all hit him at the same time. He had been so focused on himself, and how this was affecting him. It had been so much for _him_ to deal with, he had completely forgotten about her. Guilt, pain and love racked him in three waves.

"Oh, Meredith." He whispered. He moved to go to her, but felt a hand holding him back. Bailey shook her head.

"What do you think you're going to do for her now?"

"Miranda," he said desperately. "You don't understand. You don't know. I just, I.. we've been…"

"Do I look stupid to you?" Bailey demanded. Derek looked at her blankly. He shook his head. "You think I didn't know this? You think I can't tell, can't hear them talk? I know what you've been doing. And I know that once again, you have entangled yourself into some kind of love geometry, and I'm telling you once again, straighten it out."

Derek looked longingly at Meredith. "If I could just talk to her, I could try to explain. I had no idea how hard…"

"See, that's your problem. You're so busy thinking about you, you, you, that you didn't see how difficult this has been for her. So you go. You do your surgery. And then you figure out how to fix this."

* * *

When Derek left the O.R, he should have felt triumphant. It was a grueling surgery, and he had gotten through it successfully. He would get to tell his patient's wife that she could take him home in a week. He should have been happy, pleased. Instead he felt awful, guilty and nearly sick.

Addison approached him in the hallway. "Hey babe." She said, kissing him on the cheek. "Are you done for the day? I have to see a patient in an hour, but it shouldn't take too long. Maybe we could go for dinner?" she asked hopefully.

"I'm really not in the mood." He snapped. She recoiled and blinked at him.

"Derek, what the hell is going on? You've been moody and withdrawn for weeks." She couldn't bring herself to point out that nothing had been the same since prom. And that things weren't all that great before that. Derek sighed and shook his head.

"It's nothing."

"It's obviously something."

"Addison? It's nothing."

"That's it, Derek? That's all I get?"

He looked at her for a long time. He was exhausted. His insides were twisting with the image of Meredith and the realization hit him. It was too late. "That's all I have to give." He said, leaving his wife standing, dumbfounded behind him as he walked away.

He milled around the hospital for hours, taking up as much time as he could. When it became clear there was nothing left for him to do, Derek trudged across the street to The Emerald City bar. He was going to resist the temptation to drown his foreboding in scotch, because if there was one thing he needed tonight, it was a clear head. He looked at the door to the bar and saw Cristina, blocking it with her arms crossed. Derek sighed, and vaguely wondered how she found things out so quickly.

"Dr. Yang. Preston." He said, approaching them.

"I hope that after all this; you're not letting her go." Cristina said bluntly.

"She wants a month." Derek said stupidly, sounding weak and indecisive to his own ears. "And I'm afraid it might be too late."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Seriously, what is wrong with you? She's _giving_ you a month. That doesn't mean she wants to wait that long. A month is all the hope she has left, Dr. Shepherd. Her stupid, Meredith like, ever steadfast faith in you is waning."

Derek looked down. "Exactly why she won't believe me if I say I'm leaving Addison now. No matter what I say, I'm just going to let her down."

Cristina looked at him, disdain evident in her glare. "So quit acting like a little kid at recess and _show_ her." With that, she gripped the door, yanked it open and stomped inside Joe's leaving a bewildered Derek in her wake.

Burke caught the door before it slammed shut and followed his girlfriend inside. Seconds later, his head popped back outside the door. "The papers, Shepherd." He said. "Try the papers."

And then it hit him. Like a ton of really heavy bricks. Divorce papers. He still had them. Addison had never asked him for them back. She had never mentioned them again, after he had neglected to sign them, but he had kept them.

He turned on his heel and headed for his car. It was time to wake up Meredith Grey.


	15. Chapter 15

**Title: Keeping The Faith**

**Author: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, and sex**

**Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all. **

**Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back. **

**Author's Note: The update did not come as fast as we promised, but here it is. Finally, for the first time in about 8 chapters, Derek does something right. But it's not over. Addison's not going down without a fight, and things are still a little rocky between them, since Derek basically ignored everything Meredith needed for the entire story. But this chapter is the segway into brighter days. **

**REVIEW. **

_"You're the only thing that I love,  
scares me more everday."  
-Snow Patrol _

The clunk of each Manolo hitting the floor was oddly satisfying. She left them lying there on the floor of the trailer- she'd be damned if she started referring to this tin box as home- and padded into the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and poked around. Nothing. What a surprise.

Derek was supposed to go to the grocery store, but naturally, he'd forgotten. Addison rolled her perfectly made up eyes, deciding that for all intents and purposes, he'd probably been too busy rescuing Meredith from people from his past or holding her in a clean room to remember to buy bread or milk. In her head, she knew that was crazy, those events were weeks ago, and there had been milk then.

She padded to the drawer where she kept her various take out menus. She was used to ordering food for two and just throwing away the other half when Derek didn't come home, so she had just started ordering for one. As she did tonight. She had tip at about fifty percent to get people to deliver to the trailer, but hey, she had to eat. She ordered, sat down on the bed and put her face into her hands.

She had vague memory of telling Meredith months ago that she didn't want someone who didn't want her. She had lied. It was obvious that Derek didn't want her. He didn't even want to pretend to try anymore. But she was hanging on. The question echoing in Addison's mind, the question that haunted her was how much longer would she grasp for something that wasn't there?

All the logic in her body, the logic that had cultivated her into the best neonatal surgeon in the country, was screaming at her that it was useless. Fruitless on all counts. She was fighting an uphill, loosing battle. She could have all the flawless features, all the class and all the amazing outfits, Derek simply didn't care anymore. He didn't see her anymore. And Meredith? Meredith was a mess, a tiny girl sized train wreck. It was almost comic to Addison, how much affection her husband harbored for the intern.

She had never pictured herself this woman. The woman who hung on, against all logic, and against all hope. She have never imagined she would be in the situation to hang on, but hell, here she was. And she would hang on until the bitter end. Love did crazy things to the most logical of people.

* * *

The knock on the door made oddly satisfying clunks of knuckles against wood. Callie Torres knew she could fight dirty, but tonight, she was taking the high road. Meredith Grey hadn't been kind to her, but she hadn't been awful either. They were in a middle ground or maybe. They could be friends. Callie almost wanted to be friends. Or at least she knew George wanted them to be friends, and that was enough for her to make the effort to be friends. So here she was, knowing Cristina and Izzie were working, and George was probably clucking around Meredith like a mother hen on a suicide watch, knocking on the door.

Meredith swung the door open, and her face fell immediately. "Hey." She said.

Callie raised her eyebrows. "Don't look so excited to see me."

"Sorry. Nothing personal. I was just…."

"Hoping I was someone else Someone Derek Shepherd shaped?" Meredith nodded, and Callie was surprised to feel a pang of sympathy for her at the look on her face. She reached into the bag she had brought and pulled out a bottle of Jose Cuervo. "George told me about the McDreamy situation. And that you were avoiding the bar. So I, uh, brought the bar to you."

Meredith looked at her for a while, as if half expecting her to laugh and say it was all a joke. But finally, she smiled, and stepped aside. "Come in." Callie walked down the hall to the kitchen, and kissed George briefly on the mouth by way of greeting. "Thanks Callie." She heard Meredith say behind her.

Many shots later, it didn't matter if they were friends or not, Meredith was rambling uncontrollably about the whole situation.

"I should have known it was about the sex." She said, downing another shot. "He said he loved me, and I believed him, cause he's Derek and that's what I do. I always believe Derek, and look where it gets me. Cause if he really loved me, he'd leave her, right?"

Callie downed her own shot and shrugged. "One would think. Maybe you're better off without him, Grey. Plenty of unmarried fish in the sea."

"I thought that too. But I can't feel anything without Derek." Meredith muttered close to incoherent. She reached for the other bottle Callie had brought. Single malt scotch, in an irony of ironies. She poured a shot and took it in quick succession with a second. Her mouth tasted like Derek now. "Without Derek, I'm….nothing."

"That's not true, Meredith." Callie said seriously, no where as close to as drunk as she was. George watched them in awe, a look of reverence on his face as he watched Callie talk to his hurting friend. "You're not even close to nothing. You got into this program without him. You're a good doctor without him."

"But I can't feel anything," Meredith said. "And there's no point to living if you can't feel anything." George's eyes widened and he grabbed the shot glass from in front of Meredith.

"You've had enough, I think." He said, trying not to draw attention to himself as he slid the wooden block that held their knives to the far end of the counter.

"I should go to bed." Meredith said, stumbling towards the staircase. She turned around before attempting to ascend it. "Callie!" she called. "Thanks for listening."

In the kitchen, Callie smiled and shrugged at George. "Thank you." He said sincerely. "She needed that."

* * *

Meredith woke up hours later with a headache. She reached next to her bed for the water bottle she had mercifully left there last night. It was still half full. She had unfortunately sobered up considerably, which meant there was no way she'd be getting back to sleep that night. These days, sleep only came from being absurdly drunk, so drunk she could have choked on her vomit, and there was no way George was going to let her get there. But it didn't matter. Who needed sleep when she could just replay the scenes with Derek over and over again in her head until she just went crazy?

How had they gone from ignoring each other in an elevator to that day in the on call room, when he'd held her so close she could feel his breath on her cheek? She had been such a mess that day. Tears, and sweat, and the kind of messy hair that only came from sex with Derek, and he'd just pulled her close to him and told her that he loved her. She didn't know how they had gotten there, but she should have stopped it there.

It was her fault, really, that it had escalated this much. She wasn't the one who killed a man. She wasn't the one who was going through that. Reasonable Meredith said she was going through something else, and that this was as much of Derek's fault as anyone, but Head over heels Meredith continued to make excuses for the way he insisted on treating her.

This month was going to end with a sad smile from him. Maybe, if she was very lucky, a few tears gathered in the corners of his eyes so she knew it meant _something_. But the month would end and he would still go home to Addison, and she would still come home to this room that had been cold and empty since the day his wife arrived in Seattle.

She was jolted from her memories when she heard someone knocking on her door. Make that pounding. She sighed. George had put her on some kind of bizarre suicide watch lately, pounding on her door in the middle of the night, or when she took too long in the bathroom, and watching her very carefully around alcohol or sharp objects. He probably thought she was trying to smother herself with a pillow or slit her wrists with a nail clipper or something.

"Seriosuly, George." She called. "I'm fine. I'm drowning in a vast sea of absolute misery, because I've only just now realized that he'll never leave Addison and probably doesn't love me, but I'm not going to kill myself, so you really don't have to come in." The knocking stopped, and she figured she had convinced him, but the man on the other side of the door was just in shock.

How could she think he didn't love her? She was his life, his world and his everything. And then Derek remembered exactly how she could think he didn't love her. The way he'd been acting. The way he'd been treating her. That way he'd been slowly driving her away or killing her and a bunch of other horrible things he didn't want to think about. He started pounding again.

"George, there's nothing sharp enough to cut an artery in here. You really don't need to come in!"

"I really do." Called a voice from the other side of the door. The heavy oak swung open, revealing to Meredith, Derek, in his jeans and sweater, with a collar sticking out underneath, clutching something in his left hand.

Meredith stared at him. "Don't say anything." He pleaded, crossing the threshold and standing in front of her bed. "Just listen. I love you. I really do. I didn't see what this was doing to you until now. And I can't wait. Not a month, not another minute. And I won't. So here." He laid the papers flat on the table next to her bed, pulled a pen out of his pocket and signed them.

He handed them to Meredith. She turned them over in her hands, and ran her palms over them, like they were some precious jewel or ancient scroll. "Divorce papers." She breathed.

"I would have been here sooner." Derek said. "But I didn't hear the ultimatum right away. I'm going to leave these with you. If you bring them to my office tomorrow morning, I'll call Addison tell her. And she'll sign. If I don't get them from you, I'll know that it was too little, too late. "Meredith, I know how this looks. I know you're going to be scared, and I know that you have no reason to trust me or to believe anything I say, but I love you. And I hope these will be in my office tomorrow."

He backed towards the door, watching her clutch his divorce papers in both of her hands. He smiled at her.

"What?" she whispered.

He grinned at her, a smile that revealed everything she needed to see to convince her. "My future is holding my past in her hands." He said, leaving the room and shutting the door.

Meredith couldn't help it. She smiled, and then she laughed. She sat in her bed, holding Derek's _divorce papers, _laughing until she cried, and then crying until she laughed.

**Loud And Clear (sequel to One Hell Of A Racket), Forever And A Day, Fireworks, Crumpled Up Promises are all up. Check them out. Review. **

**And coming soon It Takes A Village (Sequel to A Tale Of Two Cities.) **


	16. Chapter 16

**Title: Keeping The Faith**

**Author: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, and sex**

**Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all. **

**Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back. **

**Here's the update. Basically takes us through the night the papers were given to the next evening when they're recieved. If you like this story, may we suggest "Fireworks" another angsty MerDer drama, by us. **

** Next chapter will bring big drama. keep REVIEWING. PLEASE. **

_"And I have waited,  
the ancticipation's  
got me glued." _

The front door shut and Derek was gone. Callie and George looked at each from their position by the stairs. "I wonder what that was about." Callie muttered. George took her hand, shaking his head.

"We probably don't want to know." He said sadly, hurting for his friend. He moved towards the kitchen to finish scouring the pizza menu, and decide exactly which toppings would make the perfect pizza. Callie paused and shot him an incredulous look.

"Do you think they did something up there?"

George shook his head. "Trust me, you would have heard."

It was almost an hour later when Izzie came back from the hospital. She heard George and Callie in the kitchen arguing over pizza toppings. Izzie rolled her eyes; they acted like they were ancient and married, and possibly house ridden. "Pepperoni!" She shouted towards the kitchen before climbing the stairs. She was hungry and exhausted and it made for an interesting combination.

She passed Meredith's room, door shut, and no light flooding from under it. She paused, just in case she had caved and Derek was in there, and for a moment, she thought he was, based on what she heard. She started to hurry away, but realized it wasn't the usual moans coming from Meredith's room. It was laughter. She turned on her heel and made her way downstairs, to find George on the phone with the pizza place. She waited patiently while he ordered and gave their address. "George!" she snapped as he hung up.

"Relax, Iz. I got pepperoni."

She shook her head quickly. "We have a Meredith problem." She said, causing George's head to snap up.

"What code is it?" he asked. Izzie's brow furrowed as she seemed to be seriously considering this. She frowned.

"Code blue is excessive tears, code red is borderline alcohol poisoning, code green is lapsing back into sad sex with McDreamy, code black is attempted suicide…" She muttered this to herself, tacking them off on her fingers as she went along. She looked up at George. "Do we have a code for unadulterated laughter?"

George stared at her. "She's laughing? An hour ago she was locked up there with Shepherd and now she's _laughing_?"

"Shepherd was here?" Izzie asked, looking at Callie. Callie nodded politely, knowing that even though she didn't like Izzie, she couldn't be rude to the girl with the dead fiancée.

"Shepherd was here. Not for long. Five, ten minutes, maybe?" She looked at George and then back at Izzie. "So even if there's no weird, overly dramatic code, should we go see if something is actually wrong?" They both looked at her like she'd just cracked the code to their problems and nodded.

Huddled outside of Meredith's door, they could indeed hear shocked laughter coming through the wood. Izzie opened the door and the three of them just stared at her, her tiny body on her bed, her legs crossed as she stared down at what seemed to be a piece of paper in her hands, laughing. Her eyes were red and her face was tear stained, but she was laughing. "It _is_ a code blue." George hissed at Izzie. "She's crying."

"And laughing!" Izzie protested. Meredith looked up, wiped her eyes and smiled at them.

"Both. Crying and laughing. Both are um, happening." She said. They stared at her in bewilderment as she looked down at the document in her hands, scanned it and started laughing again. Izzie came into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. George followed her, and finally Callie, too, and the four of them just sat there.

"Mer?" Izzie prodded. "Why are you laughing? And crying?" Meredith brought the paper clipped sheets to her chest and the motioned to them, like they were supposed to decipher the reason for her odd behavior from a few sheets of paper. "Okay, what are those?" Izzie asked, trying to keep her tone calm. Meredith looked at the three of them, grinning. With a trembling hand, she held the papers out to them.

"They are Derek and Addison's divorce papers." She whispered. George and Izzie looked at each other with stunned expressions and raised eyebrows. Callie reached out took them from Meredith, flipping through all of the pages.

"Holy crap." She muttered. "He _signed_ these." Meredith nodded, laughing again.

"He signed them right here, right in front of me. And he said that if, if I want to try again with him, I should bring them to office tomorrow morning and he'll call Addison, and he'll tell her everything and he'll end it all." Izzie's jaw dropped and hung open unattractively.

"He stopped being a jackass." She said. Meredith nodded.

"He stopped being a jackass." She confirmed. She looked up to find that George had vacated the room. She looked at Callie for an explanation, but she just shrugged. "I'm taking them. To his office." Meredith said. "If he's willing to get a divorce to try again, I want to try again."

Izzie nodded, still looking really surprised. "That's good, Mer." She said softly. "That's really good. Meredith just beamed at her and Callie and picked up the papers again. The three of them sat on her bed and talked softly about what it meant and what it took to get there for nearly fifteen minutes, until the doorbell rang, shattering the softness. "I hope that's the pizza." Izzie said.

Minutes later, Cristina burst in the room, holding two pizzas, and rolling her eyes excessively. "This is the big thing we need to discuss?" she said, whirling around to face George. "Meredith, Tinkerbelle and Ortho Chick are having a gab fest, and you call me over for that?" she demanded, shoving the pizza into his arms. She paused, thought better of it, and reached for the top pizza box. She opened it, and plopped down on the bed, extracting pieces not only for herself, but for Izzie, Callie and Meredith as well.

"That, that's not why I called!" George sputtered. "Operation McWife is officially called off." Meredith looked up, her mouth full of pizza and blinked a few times, rushing to chew and swallow. Cristina smiled, looking impressed.

"Shepherd grew some balls, huh?" she asked, not bothering to finish chewing or swallow. She reached over and plucked the papers off of Meredith's lap, scanning them, her eyes widening at his signature. "He gave you signed divorce papers?"

Meredith nodded, smiling proudly. "The ball's in my court now. If I want to start over, I can take them to his office tomorrow." George glared at Cristina.

"See?" he said, "Operation McWife is off."

Meredith looked at them in confusion. "There's an operation McWife?" Cristina shoved half a piece of pizza in her mouth and looked away. Izzie followed suit, and stuffed her own mouth, and motioned to it apologetically. Meredith's gaze shifted. "George…." She said warningly.

"It was Cristina's idea!" he all but shouted. Cristina shot him a dirty look and continued with her very pointed chewing. Callie rolled her eyes and looked at Meredith.

"It's this thing they came up with. They gave McDreamy five days to come clean to his wife and make a decision, or they were going to do it for him." She said. Cristina and Izzie swallowed as the words left her lips. Meredith looked at the three of them, torn between annoyance at their constant meddling, and gratitude that they cared so much.

"You guys really told him that? You threatened your attending?" she turned her gaze to Cristina. "You, lover of all surgery, threatened your attending?" Cristina shrugged.

"He was hurting you. We could all see how miserable you were. Even Evil Spawn was in on it. Bailey was pretty pissed too." Meredith shook her head in disbelief and smiled at all of them. She was protected, no matter what would come, by four extraordinary friends. She picked up the divorce papers again and ran her hands over them; smiling, but feeling tears come to her eyes all the same. "Oh Jesus, what now?" Cristina asked.

Meredith looked up, not having the capacity to separate tears from laughter, she let them both come out at the same time. "I watched him sign his divorce papers. He told me his future was holding his past. Divorce papers." She stressed. Izzie and George smiled at her, and even Callie looked happy. Cristina rolled her eyes for the millionth time since she'd arrived.

"God, Mer. Divorce papers. We get it. What, do you want a parade?" Meredith's retort was cut off by the door slamming and the thundering of feet up the stairs. Alex poked his head through the door.

"Bambi called and said operation McWife was off?" he asked.

"Yea." Cristina said. "It's off. McDreamy signed the papers, ball in Meredith's court, blah, blah." Alex ignored her and charged into the room, plopping down on the bed with the rest of them.

"Dude, pizza." He said, taking a huge bite of a slice. Cristina glared at George.

"You had to call Alex, didn't you?"

* * *

Meredith woke up the next morning with two empty pizza boxes on her bedroom floor. Sunlight filtered in through the blinds and Meredith wondered briefly why she wasn't waking with her usual dread, her usual sense of apprehension. Her eyes hit the bone white papers that were contrasting the brown of her night stand and she smiled, letting the events of the previous night flow through her. She groaned when she calculated the time she'd actually gone to sleep. Almost four. She didn't care though, that she had only achieved two hours of sleep at best. Today was going to be a good day. It was sunny in Seattle and she had Derek's divorce papers. 

She dressed quickly and headed downstairs to start coffee, finding Alex asleep on her couch. She smiled and kicked the couch as she walked past, starting him awake. "Dude, not cool." He said, sitting up and rubbing sleep from his eyes. He stumbled into the kitchen and watched Meredith measure coffee into the pot.

"Did you really threaten him? Derek, I mean. To go to Addison?" Alex nodded. "Why did you do that?" She asked.

He shrugged, and rubbed a hand over his head. "I really don't know." He looked down at his hands and shrugged again. "My family was pretty screwed up. Drugs, beatings, you name it. But it's like, even though I'm the Evil Spawn, I've got a chance at a new family here. And you protect your family. No matter who you have to stand up to." Meredith smiled at him.

"Thanks, Alex." He brushed it off, like it was nothing, and left the kitchen, muttering something about using one of their toothbrushes. Meredith smiled for the umpteenth time since she woke up ten minutes ago and threw toast into the toaster oven. While she was looking in the fridge to see if there were eggs to scramble or whatever, someone padded into the kitchen. Callie was holding the divorce papers and a large envelope. Meredith blinked at it, the big, yellow-y brown kind her mother used to send papers in; manila, she thought it was called. "What's this?" she asked.

Callie shrugged, opened it up and slipped the papers inside. "You probably don't want to go traipsing into the hospital flaunting those." She said with a smile, backing towards the door.

"Callie." Meredith said, stopping her. "Thank you. Last night, and with the, um, prom and everything, just thank you." Callie smiled at her, a real smile and nodded.

"Yea, don't mention it." She said. "I should probably go and stop George from killing Karev for using his toothbrush."

When they finally got to the hospital in a caravan of vehicles, all pulling into the parking lot one after the other, Meredith headed straight for Derek's office. He wasn't there, she knew he wouldn't be; she had seen his name on the board on her way here. She pulled a pen out his top drawer and scrawled his name on the folder. She flipped over one of his business cards and wrote 'let's get it right this time' on the back, signing it with nothing but an M. She smiled at her handiwork and left the office to yank on her scrubs and get her assignment from Bailey.

* * *

The day passed with slow, drawn out agony for Derek. He had back to back surgeries that took him to lunch. His plan was to eat a normal lunch in the cafeteria, outside where all the interns always ate. If he saw her, saw how she reacted to him, he would know. After lunch, in case he didn't see her, he would rush back to his office. Sighing heavily, he sunk down at a table. She was nowhere to be seen. 

But she could see him just fine. Meredith was watching from just inside as he sat down. She intercepted her friends. "We have to go eat in really old guy's room, okay?" She asked them. "Derek's out there. He hasn't been in his office yet and I'm avoiding him to up the suspense." They all looked at her strangely. She rolled her eyes.

"Fine. Payback for the night I sat at Joe's wondering he would show up."

"Pathetic." Cristina said. "But we can eat in Really Old Guy's room."

* * *

Derek was shoving his sandwich in his mouth in a manner he knew was probably completely unattractive. As soon as he finished, he jumped up from the table so violently his chair hit the floor. He picked it up and practically threw it back at the table. He whirled around to see his wife staring at him, arms crossed over her chest. "Well that was quite the display." She said dryly. He stared at her, only wanting to get to his office. "I need a consult." She said. "It's pretty bad, Derek." 

He sighed and yanked on his hair in frustration, vaguely aware that this is how Meredith must have felt before he chose Addison. "Can I run to my office first?" The look on her face told him that he couldn't, so he just sighed and followed her. They didn't say a word to each other the entire elevator ride to the appropriate floor. Derek was too bust thinking about whether or not those papers would be in his office and Addison was too busy thinking about what Derek was thinking about. The only time either of them said anything was when the elevator doors opened and Meredith stepped on as they were stepping off.

"Dr. Shepherd." She said nodding to Addison. "Derek." She said with the slightest hint of a smile as the doors closed. And then he knew. Although it was another surgery and a third consult before he could get to his office. The sun was setting by the time he reached it, turning the sky brilliant shades of blue, pink and purple. When he pushed open the door, he breathed a sigh of relief. There was a large envelope with his name on it sitting on his desk.

The contents of the envelope, however, were in the hands of someone unexpected.

Addison.


	17. Chapter 17

**Title: Keeping The Faith**

**Author: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, and sex**

**Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all. **

**Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back. **

**Shit doth hitteth the fan in this chapter. Addison is not happy. If you like this story, may we suggest "Fireworks" another angsty MerDer drama, by us. **

**We would like to dedicate this chapter to Laurenn, seeing as she always reviews and says wonderful things and it's her birthday. Happy birthday!**

**REVIEW. PLEASE. **

"_Maybe I should  
hate you for this."  
-Taking Back Sunday_

He stood, frozen in the doorway, unable to move or breathe. In his mind, this had all gone so perfectly. Meredith would have left the papers and he would have found them, let his heart flood with love and relief and joy and then he would have called Addison into his office and asked her to sit down for a long, serious talk about how they had both changed, and how sad it was, but he was in love with someone else.

He would have even told her about the sex. The secrets would have all come out, and his head, they had shaken hands, exchanged a last hug and she had walked out of his life amicably. In the version of today that existed inside of his mind, Addison had been gracious, understanding and only a little angry. Here, in real life, she was confused, desperate, and Derek could see, obviously seething. Her right hand held the papers like they were on fire and her left hand clenched his chair so hard her knuckles were turning white. Her eyes were narrow slits and her cheeks were flushed an angry red.

And he was frozen. He had been so preoccupied with Meredith, and whether or not she was going to take him up on his offer to try once more, he hadn't stopped to think about the consequence, beyond the peaceful fantasy in his mind's eye. He was frozen in the doorway, and time seemed to stop. The realization hit him that he was going to hurt Addison. Badly, in a way that she didn't deserve to be hurt. Guilt swept over him when he realized that he really wasn't too bothered by the notion.

It was all Meredith now. Addison was quite literally his past. His signature on those snow white papers proved that. Meredith was the future. Derek could look into the rest of his life and see a house going up on his land, a wedding by the lake, a lifetime in Seattle. Kids, dogs, the works. All with Meredith. There was no place for Addison when he visualized what was to come.

As his monologue ran through his mind, she looked up at him, her eyes blazing. "Derek." She said her voice dangerously even and calm. "What is this?" Derek shoved his hands into the pocket of his lab coat and shifted his weight, wracking his brain for an answer that would give some kind of meaning to everything they had shared. He came up with nothing. Addison looked back down on the desk, and picked up the envelope. "Who gave these to you? Were the lawyers here?" Her questions stopped as the card fluttered down onto the desk. She picked it up and read it out loud. "Let's get it right this time. M?" It was enough to make Derek smile. The reality of how horribly he treated her had fully sunken in over the last few days. That she still had faith in him was nothing short of miraculous. The smile was soft and barely caused the corners of his lips to turn up, but it was there all the same. And Addison couldn't have missed it.

"You gave _Meredith_ our divorce papers?" she asked, her voice sounding like pure venom and ice. She stumbled forward and put a hand on the edge of Derek's desk to steady herself. She didn't know what it all meant yet, but she felt like someone had knocked the wind out of her. "You gave her our divorce papers." She repeated. This time it wasn't a question. Addison didn't know what was happening, but she felt pure, undiluted rage sweep over her body. Blood rushed and pounded in her ears as her muscles all tensed and her breathing labored.

She was about to explode when there was a knock at the door and Meredith's head popped around the corner, smiling. Her eyes were shiny and her entire face had a certain glow to it. She looked like Addison's antithesis. Her eyes locked onto Derek without even noticing Addison. "Hi." She said, shyly, timidly. She noticed his face and looked over. The color drained from her face. She started to automatically back away and shut the door.

"No." Addison didn't raise her voice, but it commanded that they do what she said. "Don't think about it, Grey. Get back in here." Meredith opened the door and stepped tentatively into the room. She thought about all of the things she could say. Apologies she could have uttered, things she could have protested, anything to make it better. But her mind was blank with terror and guilt.

"Addison…" she murmured. "I…"

Addison shook her head and shot Meredith a glare that made her go weak in the knees, and not in a good way. She backed up, and Derek instinctively took a step partially in front of her. "Addie, this isn't her fault." He said. "It's mine." Meredith shook her head and moved her lips, but no sound came out.

Addison stepped towards them, and when she spoke, her words came out short and stunted. "I want you to tell me exactly how my divorce papers ended up here." She failed to specify which you was supposed to do the explaining, so Derek cleared his throat. Addison shook her head. "No. I want to hear it from her."

"She has a name." Derek snapped.

"Derek, it's okay." Meredith said softly, circling a hand around his wrist. She looked at Addison and steeled herself. But the wife of the man she was clinging to shook her head.

"You, you looked at me, _Meredith_, and you told me you weren't…" Shock left her and was replaced by mounting anger. "I thought better of you! You told me you weren't sleeping with him and damn it, Meredith, I believed you! I thought you were better than this!"

"I wasn't lying, Addison." She said. "It was... it was the prom." Her eyes hit the floor to avoid Addison's blazing ones.

"You slept with him at the prom for the chief's niece who has _cancer_?" She shouted, causing both of them to wince. A bout of bitter laughter escaped her lips. "That's just ridiculous enough to be believable!" She yelled, the volume of her angry emissions continuing to rise. She turned away from them and gathered her hair in her hands, and released it quickly. She spun back around to face them. "And since then?" she asked, obviously asking if that was the only time. The looks on their faces were the only answer she needed. "Once? Twice? Every day?" Neither of them said anything, they just stood there numbly.

Outside the office door, Cristina, Alex, George and Izzie were sitting on the floor, each with a different snack, listening to the chaos erupting inside. "Twenty says she kills them both." Alex said.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Forty says she storms out screaming, composure gone."

"Double or nothing she's crying." Izzie retorted.

George looked back and forth between the three of them, torn between amusement, and horror that this was Meredith's entire future in the balance. He decided just to keep his mouth shut. They all did just that as Addison's voice erupted inside the room again.

"You were having an affair with her Derek!" she shouted. "An affair! Adultery! We made vows against that!"

"And Mark, was what, exactly, then?"

"Don't talk to me about Mark! You have no room to talk to me about Mark! You can't bring up Mark ever again, Derek because you did the same, cheap, slutty, thing. She's as much of a whore as Mark ever was."

"Don't talk about her like that! It wasn't cheap. It wasn't slutty."

"I didn't realize fucking in an on call room could be classy and romantic!"

"I love her, Addison!" The shouting stopped and Addison and Derek looked at each other, chests heaving with labored breaths, eyes blazing and blood rushing.

"You love her?" Addison asked laughing hollowly. "She doesn't know what love is, Derek." She spit out. "We were married for eleven years!" Derek threw his hands in the air in frustration and dug his nails into his palm. "Now she's messengering you my freaking divorce papers."

"Addison…" Meredith tried. "I never meant for any of this to…." She trailed off at the look she was receiving.

"Play innocent all you want, Dr. Grey. This is exactly what you wanted. You've got Derek now, so if you could just be quiet, and not try to evade responsibility for your part in this!"

"I, I'm not…" she trailed off. "I'm so sorry."

"You're sorry?" Addison shouted. "That's great, Meredith. I'm so freaking glad that you're sorry for destroying my marriage!"

She moved towards the door and Derek turned to her, enraged. "This marriage was over years ago, Addison, she didn't destroy anything!"

Addison wrenched the door open and turned to face them, fuming. "Both of you can just go to hell!" she shouted, stalking out of the door. "At least you'll have each other!" she shouted. She got a few more feet down the hallway, and then turned around again. "Bring me those papers as soon as you're done consoling her Derek. I want a divorce!" she shouted.

Izzie and Alex groaned and reached into their pockets and threw bills at Cristina, groaning.

* * *

Inside the office, Meredith staggered to a chair and sank down into it, putting her elbows onto her knees and her face in her hands. "Oh my God." She whispered. Derek crossed the room to her in two big strides and knelt in front of her chair. He put on hand on the arm of the chair and used the other to brush hair out of her face.

"Meredith…" he said gently. "Mer, look at me." He gently cupped her chin with his hand and lifted her now tear stained face. "It's over, okay? That was the worst, as bad as it's going to get, all right?"

"That was… horrible. I never, I mean, we… Jesus, Derek." She sucked in a breath and looked at him. "I'm so sorry that she found out like that."

Derek smiled at her. "None of this is your fault, Mer." He said soothingly. "I love you, and the worst is over now. I'm going to go to her tomorrow and we'll sort it all out, okay?"

She nodded, and smiled, leaning into his embracing, letting herself believe him, and all the things he said.


	18. Chapter 18

**Title: Keeping The Faith**

**Author: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, and sex**

**Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all. **

**Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back. **

**REVIEW. PLEASE. **

_"I promise I'll do anything  
you ask this time."  
-Snow Patrol_

"Derek?" Meredith said. They were lying in her bed, a single sheet pulled up over both of them. He was holding her close to him, and he head was lying on his chest. They were watching the rain drops trickle down the window.

"Yeah?" He shifted so he could look at her. Her voice was quiet and sounded serious.

"You should go and talk to Addison." She said. He pulled her a little closer to him, relishing the feel of her bare skin against his.

"It can wait until tomorrow Meredith." He said. He felt her head shake against his shoulder.

"No. She was right. You had an affair with me, Derek. And for a lot longer than since prom. We never really let go." She hadn't meant to, but she had just opened the door to a much larger conversation, a conversation she wasn't sure they were ready for.

"Mer, I'm so sorry. I chose wrong, you know." Derek said. "I didn't want to leave you, God, it was the hardest thing I've ever done, leaving you. But I had to."

"We have this, intense, consuming thing." She said slowly. "You killed someone Derek."

"I couldn't lose you."

She was quiet for a long time. " But you let me go." She whispered.

Derek shook his head. "I didn't, though. Because I never stopped loving you. And this thing that happened, where I made you wait. I didn't see what it was doing to you, Mer, I swear I didn't."

"So you're not letting go anymore?"

"You won't be able to get rid of me." He promised. "I'm always going to be here, not letting go." Meredith nodded, and snuggled a little closer to him.

"Good." She said definitively. "That's good." She paused for awhile, but Derek didn't say anything because he knew she wanted to. "I had faith in you, you know. On the boat, I knew you'd come for me. The whole year, really. I had faith in you."

Derek blinked back the tears that formed in his eyes as he pressed a firm kiss to her head. "I love you." He told her.

"I love you too." She murmured back. "Derek?" she questioned tentatively. "Please go talk to Addison. She deserves closure."

"You really want me to go now? It's almost midnight."

"I really don't think she's sleeping." Meredith said, biting her lip out of guilt.

"I'll be back."

"I'll be waiting."

* * *

Addison was not sleeping. Not even close. She was currently turning Derek's piece of tin into her own personal war zone. She had parked her car inches from the porch and was currently engaged in the practice of ripping her belongings from whatever space they occupied in the trailer and throwing them into her trunk.

Clothes, shoes, books, everything. It all went into the trunk. She was going to be out of here as soon as possible. She would check into the most expensive hotel she could find. She would then drink her way from anger to numbness. She wouldn't even bother feeling sad or betrayed.

A dark figure walking towards the trailer caught her eye. Her eyes narrowed as Derek came into view. She spun on her heel, stalked back inside and closed her hand over the nearest heavy object she could find, her gold Jimmy Choo pumps. She hurled one at Derek's feet and the other one grazed his shoulder. He just picked them up and tossed them into her trunk. "I deserve that." He said. "That and more." He looked at her for a long time, and no matter how hard she tried to stay angry, her rage faded away into a dull, aching, emptiness. "Addie, I'm so sorry." He whispered.

She sat down on the steps of the trailer and her body shook with a sob. And then another and another until she just buried her hands in her face and cried. Derek sat next to her and wrapped two arms around her. "I'm so sorry." He said again. She wrenched out of his hug and moved away from him slightly.

"You can't touch me, Derek." She said. "You can't send Meredith to your office with our signed divorce papers and then touch me, you just can't." He nodded and reached in his coat pocket, pulling out a small packet of tissues. She took them from him wordlessly and dabbed at her eyes. "You never really chose me, you know?" she whispered.

He nodded. "I know." He acknowledged. "I wish I could have, Addie. Eleven years, and this is how we end. In hatred." Addison laughed bitterly.

"I don't hate you, Derek. You fell in love with her. I can't hate_ you_ for that."

"Addison."

"Fine. I don't hate her either." Another bitter laugh escaped her lips. "I hate myself though. If I had tried harder, back in New York, if I hadn't gone to Mark, things wouldn't be this way."

"Maybe not yet." Derek whispered. "But eventually, eventually Meredith and I would have found each other."

Addison let out another laugh, and this time, it was a real one. "You're still the most sentimental man I've ever met." She said. He smiled, and they sat side by side, looking out at the land they had lived on together so briefly.

"I really am sorry, Addison."

"Derek, did you bring the papers?" she asked, timidly. He studied her face for a few minutes before nodding.

"Take your time." He said, pulling them out of his coat pocket. Addison shook her head and opened her purse that was sitting next to her on the step of the trailer and fumbled for a pen. She pulled the cap off of it and held it her teeth as she signed her name to the document and handed it back to Derek. She turned to him, and with eyes shining with unshed tears she smiled. "Derek, the time we had…."

"I wouldn't trade it for anything." He told her, kissing her forehead. She fell into his embrace for just a moment and then pulled away.

"We're both going to be okay." She said.

Derek smiled and nodded. "We're both going to be great."

"I'm not going to leave Seattle, you know. I've built something here, and I want to see it through. I have patients, a contract and responsibilities." She told him, wishing she could abandon her dignity to turn and run. It was going to be hell staying there, but she had her pride.

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Goodbye Addison." He said. It was supposed to be until tomorrow, or something like that, but it was loaded with so much more. A few silent tears streaked down her cheeks.

"Goodbye Derek." She watched him walk back to his car, start it up and drive away. She didn't have to ask him where he was going, because it was obviously Meredith's house. She had never been there, but she could only imagine what it would look like. Filled with interns. And now her husband. Ex-husband.

Addison sighed and drew her knees to her chest, looking out through the mist at the land around her. As the night sky attracted her gaze, her tears stopped falling. She was strong. She would find a way to go on, move forward. Without Derek. She reached down and slid her rings off of her finger. They weren't Derek and Addison anymore, and the truth was, they hadn't been for a long time. But she was still Addison, and she would find a way to go on.

* * *

Derek pushed the front door open. It was unlocked, and he chuckled. These three would leave their door unlocked all night. He started to climb the stairs when he noticed two figures sitting on the couch, side by side, their arms crossed. Izzie and George.

"Dr. Shepherd." Izzie said. "We told Cristina and Alex we would take care of this. We did that because we're nicer and less likely to punch or castrate you, so be grateful." Derek came back down the three steps he had climbed and hovered in front of them.

"Take care of what?" he asked awkwardly.

"Of telling you that you can't destroy her again." George mumbled quietly. "She can't take it. One more breakdown and there won't be anything left for you to hurt."

Derek opened his mouth to protest that they had worked it out, but Izzie shot him a look that silenced him. "I know you think know how much it hurt her, but believe me, you have no idea. I know she's always perfect to you, and she's always fine, but you weren't the one watching her bring home guy after guy, or putting her hand on a bomb, or throwing up everything she ate for days because she got so drunk she couldn't talk." Izzie took a breath.

"Be careful with her." George said. "She deserves the world."

Derek nodded at them. "I will." He said. "I promise."


	19. Chapter 19

**Title: Keeping The Faith**

**Author: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, and sex**

**Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all. **

**Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back. **

**Author's Note: We updated really quickly, because we only have a few chapters left before the big finish. So yea, this is rough for Addison, but last week's episode inspired us to delve into her grief. So, hope you like it.**

**REVIEW. PLEASE. **

_"I'm not ready to make nice." -The Dixie Chicks_

Addison sighed and slumped towards an on call room. Two weeks ago, she was married. Now she was divorced. And divorce was exhausting. Divorce kept you awake at night, it kept you tossing and turning until it was dawn and you realize you've only slept for an hour or so.

Now it was only six o'clock, and she was so tired her eyes were fluttering shut over the chart she was scribbling on at the nurse's station. So she trudged towards the on call room, the most remote on she could think of. She wanted to be alone. She wanted to curl up in the darkness and cry, and think about how she didn't know who she was anymore.

She didn't even know if she wanted to cry because she lost Derek, or if she wanted to cry because in losing Derek, she realized she had no idea who Addison was on her own. She shut the door to the on call room and huddled on the bottom bunk in the far corner of the room. She covered herself in blankets and turned off the lights.

* * *

Cristina eyes Meredith as they waited for the elevator. "What?" Meredith asked, feeling her friend's eyes on her. Cristina regarded her, the change in demeanor. Her eyes were shining, her face was fuller, her skin was glowing. Her movements were quick and happy.

"You're happy." Cristina said. Meredith smiled.

"Yeah. I'm happy."

Cristina nodded. "That's good, Mer." She said. "Just don't start baking."

Meredith laughed. "Not a chance." She smiled again and pushed her hair off of her face and bounced onto the balls of her feet. Cristina rolled her eyes but hid a smile. She wasn't going to bounce or smile so hard her face might break, but she wanted that for Meredith. She wanted that for Meredith. The elevator doors opened, and like in a movie, there was Derek, leaning against the side of the car, embodying every aspect of that McDreamy nickname. Meredith's eyes lit up even more. Cristina rolled her eyes again.

"Okay, seriously, Mer, you look radioactive." She said. Meredith didn't hear her. She was already in the elevator, making doe eyes at Derek, waiting for the doors to close. Cristina made a face. "Yeah, I'll take the stairs." Derek mouthed a silent thank you to her as the doors closed.

* * *

Addison heard the door creak open, followed by the distinct sound of a body being pushed against a wooden door. _It's Burke and Yang_, she told herself. The next sound that pierced her perfect miserable silence was a low, carnal moan that she recognized, one that came from Derek as Meredith pushed her body against his, her hips into his. He pulled his lips away from hers.

"Don't start anything you can't follow through on, Mer." He said breathlessly. Through the dark, she grinned at him devilishly.

"Who says I can't follow through?" she asked, biting his lower lip gently. His hands found her hair and tangled in them as they kissed furiously. Addison cowered in her corner bunk. It was dark, and they were clearly focused on each other. They wouldn't notice her. They would never notice her. She should have left. She wanted to leave, but they were still blocking the door. Or maybe she didn't want to leave. Maybe it was a masochistic need to see what he had left her for.

Derek pulled away from Meredith tracing her lips with his fingers. "God, you're beautiful." He breathed into the dark. Meredith smirked.

"You're just saying that to get sex, you dirty man."

"Maybe." Derek said, kissing her neck. "But you are beautiful." He slipped a hand under her scrub top and decided not beat around the bush. His fingers traveled under her bra easily. She let out a breathy sigh.

"Oh, God Derek." She said. Addison squeezed her eyes shut and tried not to picture it. Meredith pulled the knot open on Derek's scrubs and slipped her hands down his pants. His breath hitched in his throat, and he kissed her hard and moaned into her mouth. She smiled against his lips and stopped the movements of her hands.

"Jesus Meredith." He muttered. She grinned and teased him a little.

"You give it up so easily, Dr. Shepherd." She said in a light voice. He wrenched her hand out his scrubs and started to pull off her pants. She giggled and shivered as his fingers sent shockwaves across her skin.

When she had stepped out of her scrubs, he picked her up enough so she could wrap her legs around his waist. "I really love you, Meredith Grey." He said.

"Now I know you're just saying that to get sex." She murmured breathily. Derek shook his head.

"No. That one was genuine. I really love you." She leaned forward and whispered that she loved him too into his ear. He positioned her around him, and her head fell back gently as she groaned.

"God, Derek, I need you." She said. Addison was frozen now. She couldn't move, she couldn't breathe. The walls of the on call room felt like they were closing around her slowly. She was going to melt into the bed and cease to exist entirely if she spent another second listening to them, but she couldn't move a muscle. Finally she sat up. They still didn't notice her. She staggered to her feet.

Over Derek's shoulder, Meredith saw a glint of red. "Addison." She said. She dropped her arms from around Derek's neck and unhooked her legs from around his waist. Derek spun around, to see the form of his ex wife standing there. "Oh my God." Meredith said. The three of them stood there for a moment, Addison frozen, facing the united front of Meredith and Derek, his pants untied, hers on the floor. They stared at each other, the woman who had him looking in pity at the one who had lost him. "Addison…" Meredith said the apology she'd intended dying on her tongue.

Derek pulled her away from the door. "Addie…" he started, but he didn't know how to finish either. Addison just stared at them, until she finally looked at the floor. She shook her head, fighting tears and left the room. Meredith sank down on the bed and buried her face in her hands. Derek sat next to her and rubbed circles on her back. "Mer…" he said.

She shook her head. "She looks so broken, Derek." Meredith said, wringing her hands together. "We did that to her. Oh God." She said. Derek placed a hand on her chin and tilted her face towards him.

"Hey." He said. "Meredith, this isn't your fault. I love you. You love me. I couldn't… I couldn't stay with her, and feel this way about you. That would have been worse. You know this is it. This is the end all, Mer. I'm here for good."

"I know. It's just…" she trailed off. They were passed this. They had discussed it. She didn't want to say it.

Derek sighed. "Just what?" Meredith looked at him, a flash of pain evident in her eyes.

"It's just I know exactly how she feels. Seeing you with me. I know exactly how that feels." Derek closed his eyes, opened them and leaned down to kiss her.

"Meredith, I'm so sorry." He whispered.

* * *

Addison staggered to the first door she could find. The intern's locker room. It was empty. Seven o'clock wasn't really prime time to change and go home. She sat on a bench with her head buried in her hands and let tears leak out of her eyes. Her mind was on replay, the sounds of Meredith and Derek flowing through her head. _I really love you Meredith Grey._ The door swung open. She didn't look up, hoping whoever it was just go away.

"Addison." Meredith said tentatively, stepping into the room. Addison lifted her head from her hands, and Meredith was struck to see how different she looked with red rimmed eyes and mascara running down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry."

Addison laughed bitterly and looked at her. Her hair was a mess, her cheeks were flushed and her scrubs were askew. "You're _sorry_." She said. "Thank you." She spit out. She looked down at her empty ring finger and back at Meredith. "Two weeks ago, I was his wife." She said. "Can you possibly understand how hard this is?"

Meredith wrung her hands together and nodded. "I know exactly what it feels like. Like someone cut your heart out and stepped on it." She said. "I know what it's like to see him with someone else." Meredith whispered quietly.

Addison wiped the tears that were still falling down her cheeks away harshly. "Well you've got him now, Meredith. In a way I never, ever had him. He thinks you're beautiful. He loves you. I get it. I don't need you here to remind me of it. So just leave."

"Addison…" she tried one last time.

"Dr. Grey. Please go." Meredith opened the door and shut it behind her, leaving Addison alone.


	20. Chapter 20

**Title: Keeping The Faith**

**Author: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, and sex**

**Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all. **

**Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back. **

**So this is the first chapter revisited. The proposal. Plus Addisoncentric angst. Plus a sort of resolution. There will be a few more chapters.**

**REVIEW. PLEASE. **

"_When they walked through the door, I had to turn my eyes away,  
my heart fell through the floor, someone whispered where's her halo,  
cause she had an angel face, and he stood there smiling, and holding on,  
to the one who took my place." – The Dixie Chicks_

**Three Months Later**

Derek looked over at Meredith and twisted her fingers into his. They smiled at each other, and Meredith rested her head on his shoulder, looking down at the ferryboats.

The last few months had been beyond crazy, and it was nice to know that for now, all she needed was this. Derek leaned down and kissed her.

She pulled away and smile at him, content. His expression changed.

"I have to tell you something." He said suddenly. She made a quizzical face at him, urging him to continue. "I love you." He said. "I've never been more sure of anything."

"I love you too." She whispered.

Before she knew what was happening, there was a box sparkling in her face. "Marry me." He said.

"What?" she breathed.

He smiled at her. "Marry me." He said, more confident this time. "I love you, and I want to love you forever. So marry me."

She blinked at him, bit her lip, and thought about everything they'd gone through in the past few months. There was no doubt in her mind that she loved him. "Yeah." She said, nodding. "Yeah, okay. Let's get married." Derek's face broke into a grin and he slid the sparkling diamond on her finger. He stood up and picked her clear off of the ground, spinning her around as he did it. She laughed and placed sloppy kisses on his face, aiming for his lips but continually missing.

He put her down and kissed her, really kissed her. He pulled away breathless, and ran a hand through her hair. "For a minute there, I was afraid you were going to say no." She smiled broadly and kissed him again.

"That's good for you." She said. "I don't want you getting too cocky."

He smirked at her. "You love me when I'm cocky."

She rolled her eyes. "I do love you." She said quietly. He took her hand and pulled her close to him, his arms settling around her again. They stood in silence, looking down at the ferryboats gliding over the glistening harbor.

"I love you too." He said, kissing her forehead. She smiled as he wrapped his arms around her a little tighter. She felt content, and at home. The realization that she had just been proposed to by Derek Shepherd began to sink in. Meredith's head was racing. Faith was a funny thing. She'd thought, at one point not too long ago, that she would never have faith in anything again. But now, here, on this night, she had just agreed to have faith in Derek forever.

Forever was a funny thing too. It was different for everyone. Forever could end in the next five minutes or fifty years down the line. She had no idea of knowing how long her forever was. She couldn't control time. But she could control who she spent her forever with, and he had his arms around her already.

* * *

Addison raised the glass to her lips, sighing as she sipped the vodka and tonic. Joe had recognized the look on her face when she had come in, and had known that the vodka ratio had to greatly outweigh that of the tonic. It was not easy being Addison on days like these. She felt like she had barely had time to blink, and all of a sudden her divorce was finalized. She barely sucked in a breath and Meredith and Derek had gone to Richard, had a talk with him, and were then engaging in public displays of affection all over the hospital.

Today was an awful day. Derek had something up his sleeve. She knew that twinkle he got in his eyes when he had a surprise or a plan. She had been in the lobby, watching dejectedly through the glass windows as Meredith had met him outside after work. She had all but jumped into his outstretched arms and Addison couldn't tear her eyes away as they kissed and smiled at each other. Derek had leaned down and said something into her ear, and she had followed him, hand in hand to his car. And to think, Addison thought bitterly as she took a long swallow from her glass, he used to love me.

Across the bar, Izzie, Alex, George, Cristina and Burke watched Addison. She seemed to sink into herself a little more with each sip she took. "She looks suicidal." Izzie whispered. "Should someone go say something to her?"

"What are you going to say Iz?" Alex asked. "Hey, Doc, don't slit your wrists later?" Izzie frowned. Alex had a point. Still, she felt like someone should do something. It was getting hard to watch the woman who had been so composed and so intimidating shrink into nothing. She looked over and when Addison looked up, Izzie offered her a tentative smile. Addison tried to contort her lips into something that would look friendly at least, but her attention was caught by the bell on the door jingling.

Her heart sunk as she saw Meredith and Derek, standing there in the threshold. Derek had an arm wrapped around Meredith's waist and was grinning down at her, like she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Addison sighed. Knowing Derek and his take on destiny, he probably thought that she was. Meredith was looking at Derek her eyes shining.

"God, she's glowing." Muttered one of the nurses who was seated a stool away from Addison. Addison's eyes narrowed. She was glowing. She looked happy, radiant. Nothing like the little girl lost expression she usually exuded. Derek took her by the hand, intertwining their fingers in the most intimate way possible and pulled her toward her friends.

"Tell them." He whispered in her ear. Addison knew what was going to happen the second before she saw it unfold in front of her. Meredith untangled her hand from Derek's and on it was a huge, sparkling diamond. She grinned hugely and waved her hand in front of her friends, turning to place another kiss on Derek's cheeks before she threw her head back and laughed.

"We're getting married!" she squealed. The group jumped into action. Addison watched as Preston jumped off the chair and clapped Derek on the back. Izzie threw herself at Meredith and wrapped her arms around her tightly. George joined them and Alex and Cristina looked at their three way hug in disgust. Alex reached out and mussed Meredith's hair, and Cristina said something Addison couldn't hear through the ringing in her ears. Three months ago, she had been married to Derek, and here he was starting over. If he could start over that quickly, he hadn't been in love with her for a long, long time.

Addison felt her breath come in short, uneven gasps. The bar spun a little as she staggered from her stool. She stood, fumbling for bills to throw on the bar. She couldn't tear her eyes away from Derek as he leaned down and kissed Meredith. "Get a room." She heard Cristina said. "Just because you're getting married doesn't mean I can stomach the PDA."

Alex snorted. "I'm pretty sure if we weren't here, they'd be undressing each other." Meredith and Derek just smiled at each, oblivious to their comments. Addison made her way quickly out of the bar, not able to see anymore. Meredith however, saw the glint of red go by. She closed her eyes and sighed. Right. Addison. Derek followed her eyes and moved towards the door. Meredith shook her head.

"Let me." She said, wrapping her jacket around her against the cold of the night. She ran outside and saw Addison leaning against her car, looking up. "Addison!" she called, going to her. Addison looked at Meredith and wiped her eyes roughly. Meredith blinked in surprise at the tears making their way down the woman's cheeks.

"You win, Meredith." Addison said. "Okay? You win. You have him and the ring, and forever. You win, and you know? It's not even your fault that he loves you, so please don't apologize." Meredith bit her lip, stifling the apology she had been about to stammer out. She leaned against the car and looked towards the sky, finding the top of the Space Needle.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way." She whispered. "When I met him, it was supposed to be a one night thing. I was supposed to kick him out and never see him again."

"Yet here you are with an engagement ring." Addison bitterly.

Meredith turned to her. "I never wanted this to happen. I fell in love with him, but I never thought this could happen."

"You never thought it could. But you wanted it, Meredith. You did want him."

She shrugged. "I'm sorry you're hurting. I really am." She reached out and touched Addison's arm. "If there's anything I can do to make this easier…" she trailed off awkwardly, pulling her hand away. "I never meant to hurt you." She said again, backing away towards the door.

"Meredith?" Addison called. "Take care of him, okay?" Meredith smiled and looked down at her engagement ring. She looked at Addison and nodded.

"Yeah. I will." She said softly, disappearing inside. Meredith headed back inside Joe's, tugged Derek away from their friends. "Let's go home." She said smiling. He tucked her arms into his, and together they headed out into the night.


	21. Chapter 21

**Title: Keeping The Faith**

**Author: Sara and Lizzie**

**Rating: T for language, and sex**

**Disclaimer: Sigh. We own our personal anatomies. That's all. **

**Summary: After the prom, Meredith runs outside, and promptly gets kidnapped by someone with a grudge on Dr. Shepherd. When she is recovered, much chaos ensues as Addison finds out all that's been going on behind her back. **

**Here it is. The end of the road. We started this story eons ago, and it's been a favorite. We're sad to see it end, but thanks a million to everyone who reviewed, especially Morgen86 and Laurenn, who are always reviewing all the time. Everyone else too, really we appreciate it so much. **

**Check out "A Leap Of Faith", "Fireworks", "Four McWeddings And A Funeral", "Loud and Clear" and "It Takes A Village". Also, look for "On The Other Side" coming soon. **

**REVIEW. PLEASE. **

"_Like the love that had finally found me, and then I knew, in the crystalline knowledge of you."_

**One Year Later**

"It's funny, isn't it, the way that things work out?" Meredith asked Derek as they sat on their balcony overlooking the exquisite beach. She settled back into his arms, content and happy.

"I think everything worked out exactly the way it was supposed to, Mrs. Shepherd." She grinned and rolled over so she could face him.

"That's Dr. Shepherd to you, mister." She said, kissing him lightly. He grinned at her, grinned at her until he just started laughing. "What?" she asked.

"It's just, what could make me happier than this?" he asked. "God, Mer, we just got married. And after everything, all of that. We're _married_." He looked her in the eye for a long time. "Thank you." He whispered.

"For what?" she whispered back.

"For waiting for me." She blinked quickly, trying to keep those tears from coming down. She didn't want to cry on her honeymoon, for God's sake.

"I'd do it all over again." She told him. "Every last second."

"You don't have to." He promised. "There are no more wives, no more surprises."

She frowned, twisted to face him and pouted. "No more surprises?" she said. He kissed her full on the lips that parted to grant his tongue access to her mouth.

"Maybe a few more surprises." He said, pulling away breathlessly. "You know, one or two, to keep it interesting."

She rolled over completely and sat up until she was straddling him. "I think I can keep things interesting without any help from you." She said, reaching for his belt buckle.

* * *

A few thousand miles away, Addison Montgomery sat outside of Seattle Grace hospital, waiting for her taxi. Tears streamed down her face, but she couldn't stop them. Facing the chilly night air, she let herself cry. She cried for the woman she had been when she married Derek. She cried for the woman she had been with Mark. She cried for the people Derek and Mark had been back then. She cried for everything that ended.

Tears dripped down onto the plane ticket she held in her first, granting her a first class seat on the plane to Los Angeles. She had thought about going to New York, going back to Mark. But New York would never be the same without Derek and Mark didn't love her, she realized now, he loved the idea of her.

Twenty minutes later, her cab pulled up and Addison was out of tears. She was exhausted, physically and mentally. She turned and took one last long look at Seattle Grace. It felt like seconds ago she had walked in, ready to fight for Derek, ready to go back to the way things were. She realized she had been crying because the way things were had never really been so spectacular.

But she was Addison Forbes Montgomery. She had a whole life in front of her. Her time in Seattle had been for the most part torturous. But she was determined to emerge stronger, better. She would find another practice. She would reconnect with old friends. She would find a way to go on. Without Derek. Without Mark. Because she was just Addison now. Not Addison and Derek, not Addison and anyone, just Addison. And for the first time, she realized that for now, that was enough.

* * *

Cristina sighed and pushed the couch into the exact place Derek had specified, reached down and pulled the tiny piece of tape that indicated that was in fact where the couch should go off of the floor. She stood back and wiped sweat off of her face. For the last three days, she and Burke, and George and Callie and Alex and Izzie had all been fixing up the house.

Now, all the furniture was in exactly the right place. All of their possessions were moved. The electronics were hooked up, the fridge was stocked, and dinner was on the table. They were all going to break in the new house together.

"Meredith better be surprised." Cristina muttered.

Derek couldn't help but laugh. He drove quickly, wanting to get there as soon as possible. "Derek!" Meredith whined. "Where are we going? Why am I blindfolded? May I point out to you I was kidnapped a year and half ago. Do you want to induce post traumatic whatever?"

He pulled the car into the driveway, turned it off and hopped out. "No, I do not want to induce post traumatic whatever." He said, opening her door and guiding her out. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear. "Remember when I said there might be a few more surprises?" He slowly pulled the blindfold off to reveal their home and her friends, all sitting on the front steps.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed. She turned to him. "You bought a house? Seriously?"

"Surprise." He said, grinning. She kissed him full on the lips, pushing her tongue into his mouth. He deepened the kiss and leaned her up against the car.

"Hey!" Burke called. "Dinner's waiting."

Cristina made a face as they all watched their make out session unfold. "Yeah, suddenly, not so hungry." She said. Meredith laughed, breaking the kiss and followed them inside.

She smiled to herself as they gawked over the furniture and the paint and Derek thanked them all. She hugged everyone, even Cristina, and couldn't help but grin. All you had to do was keep your faith.


End file.
